Short humourous scene

INT.BEDROOM.NIGHT

PARTNERS JOHN AND JANET ARE IN BED

F/X FOXES SCREECHING COMING FROM OUTSIDE

JOHN:
What's that noise outside?

JANET:
That's Foxes having sex

JOHN:
In a moment they're not going to be the only ones

JOHN GRINS AT JANET AND HITS THE LIGHT

THEY HAVE SEX

JOHN AND JANET ARE RELAXING WITH CIGARETTES

F/X FOXES SCREECHING

JANET:
(Frustrated) THEY'RE still going JOHN

JOHN SNORES

(THE FOLLOWING NIGHT)

INT.FRONT ROOM.NIGHT

JOHN IS SITTING ALONE IN FRONT ROOM

F/X FROM BEDROOM)FOXES SCREECHING AND JANET MOANING

I'm not sure I get this.

It made sense in my head

I will try to re-write

The premise is the foxes are putting him to shame by lasting longer at sex than him

Advice, help and re-writes are welcome

Is the idea that Janet is shagging foxes cos they last longer thsn John?

Not a bad idea but could be clearer.

I get it. I'm assuming you must have re-written it then?

Dogs might be better than foxes though. The ladies, as you know, often get a tongue from their pet chiens so it may be easier to make the connection?

yeah maybe i'll do dogs.

foxes 'cough'

Why not make an eco statement and have one fox and one polar bear - we all know they are going to be f**ked.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ September 10 2008, 9:57 AM BST

I'm not sure I get this.

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Sex?

Quote: Morrace @ September 10 2008, 3:38 PM BST

Sex?

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You're very kind, but I'll decline if it's all the same.

Quote: Graham Bandage @ September 10 2008, 3:46 PM BST

You're very kind, but I'll decline if it's all the same.

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It's not all the same with ME Graham. Your loss.