Our Nation Sketch

Not too sure if this works, feedback appreciated, cheers.

A MAN (BARRY) IS TALKING TO CAMERA. HE HAS A COCKNEY ACCENT.

Barry
What's wrong with our nation? I'll bleeding tell you what's wrong with our nation mate. It's simple, too many foreigners. Taking all our bleeding jobs! Commiting crimes! Crimes that our bloody criminals could do just as good, if not better! So yeah, thats what's wrong with our nation, too many bleeding foreigners!

PICKS UP SPOON AND STARES AT THE CAMERA, HE MUMBLES TO HIMSELF "TO BLOODY SOFT WE ARE" THEN LETS OUT A SIGH.

Barry
Anyway,(AWKWARDLY SMILES) how many sugars did you say you wanted Vladimir?

CAMERA ZOOMS OUT TO REVEAL A MAN HAMMERING A NAIL INTO THE FLOOR.

Vladimir
Er, two please. Thanks you.

Hmm nicely executed but a little obvious. Sorry.

Cheers for the feedback, I thought it might be a little too obvious.

Now if you made the situation more extreme.

Maybe he said it to a whore fellating him or the Russian was his boss?

hmmm? Yes I think your right, no, actually you are right Sootyj. I think I do need to make the situation more extreme to improve this. Right, I'll try and do that in the morning. Cheers for the feedback sooty, highly appreciated.

Tis a pleasure and a nicely written sketch.

You mention the word bleeding 3 times. Get Vladimir to hit his thumb with the hammer and then Barry at the end to laugh and say 'Told you so, look, bleeding foreigners.' Bit of a groaner, for Vladimir anyway.