1
JOHN MCCAINE IS TALKING TO SARAH PALIN.
JOHN.
I'm a sad old John. The IRA have disbanded. If you can end wars by talking, whose going to vote for a grumpy old war horse?
SARAH
Never mind comander grumpy, I've hired us 2 new campaign advisers.
2 GUYS WITH BALACLAVAS WALK ON STAGE (AND IRISH ACCENTS)
GUY1
You need to show the faults in Baracks budgetary plans,
GUY2
Then shoot the f**ker.
JOHN
Sigh only in America can a talented Black politician,
SARAH
Have the life expectancy of an Alaskan moose.
2
2 GUYS ARE BEING INTERROGATED BY THE POLICE.
POLICE
So you were planning to assassinate Gordon Brown?
GUY1
Not really we were just messing around.
GUY2
Internet fun.
POLICE
Oh that's alright. I can leave you here with the cell open, and you won't try to escape? Actually could you do me a favor and keep an eye on my rifle, here I'll show you where the safety catch is.
LEAVES RIFLE AND LEAVES.
GUY1
What was all that about?
POLICE2 WALKS ON.
Could you guys keep an eye on this, it's the rota for Gordon Brown's bodyguards tea breaks.
WALKS OFF.
GUY1
Should we?
GUY2
Do you think Millerband would count is as community service?
3
JEREMY KYLE IS DOING HIS HORRIBLE SHOW A MAN AND A WOMAN ARE ON IT.
WOMAN
Bazzer is the dad of my bastard child, cos he was the only one what shagged me.
MAN
I never shagged 'er, I fell in 'er when I was stealing her DVD, it's not my fault she's got such a huge....
JEREMY
I see so Bazzer you screwed Minger by accident. This raises one question.
WOMAN
Will he do what a proper dad should do? Ram raid mother care and give me a black eye.
JEREMY
No if you two are on day time TV, why aren't you job seeking? And that goes for you primordial cretins in the audience.
MAN
You stitchede us up you Kyle driver.
JEREMY.
Next week gambling addicts, and the failing governments that give them half a million pounds to bully people into work.
DARLING IS TALKING TO BROWN.
DARLING
Gordon we're in recession, the property market is in free fall, and the unions are about to call a general strike.
GORDON
All part of the plan.
DARLING
Which plan?
GORDON
When Germany invades Poland, we rally the free world. Fight a 6 year war, and then rebuild England.
DARLING
Germany's about 10 times as rich as us and we helped the Americans start the last 3 wars. It's not the 1930s anymore.
DAVID CAMERON WALKS ON.
DAVID
It is Gordy boy, you've been reading the wrong book though. Mein Kampf and Enid Blyton that's the Tory way.
DARLING
We're all doomed.
