Cliff Song

To the tune of Summer Holiday:

"We're all wondering if you're a proper gay."
They've been asking that for thirty years.
I'm just worried what my ancient fans would say.
They'll collapse in a flood of tears.
If I'm in the queers.

I tried to do it with Sue Barker.
I had a go with Una Stubbs.
I should have tried Hank Marvin,
I'm on the other bus.

I'm not telling you if I'm a proper gay
I won't tell you what I've been up to.
Broadway showtunes: do they make my heart go 'hey?'
I'm not telling you-oo-oo,
But I'll give you a clue.

I'm sitting pretty with my priest friend,
On islands where the sea is blue.
Do I like the rear end
and take it up the flue?

So I'm silent on if I'm a proper gay.
On this subject I am keeping schtum.
As an area I am gonna leave it grey
If I'm close to my mu-u-um
And a fan of the bum.
Hmmmmmm, hmmmmmmm...
Hmmmmmm, hmmmmmmm...
Hmmmmmm, hmmmmmmm...

ORIGINAL LYRICS:
We're all going on a summer holiday.
No more working for a week or two.
Fun and laughter on a summer holiday.
No more worries for me and you.
For a week or two.

We're going where the sun shines brightly.
We're going where the sea is blue.
We've seen it in the movies.
Now let's see if it's true.

Everybody has a summer holiday
Doing things they always wanted to.
So we're going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you.

We're going where the sun shines brightly.
We're going where the sea is blue.
We've seen it in the movies.
Now let's see if it's true.

Everybody has a summer holiday
Doing things they always wanted to.
So we're going on a summer holiday
To make our dreams come true
For me and you.
Hmmmmmm, hmmmmmmm...
Hmmmmmm, hmmmmmmm...
Hmmmmmm, hmmmmmmm...

hahahahaha

Congratulations I liked it.

Nice.

Before the priest, his 'best friend' was a former Religious Education teacher at my old school, where Cliff had been his pupil. I recall Cliff coming back to the school for a fund raising event, a production of a Midsummer's Night Dream. He played Bottom.

At any rate he seems to have got religion early. Though precisely where he got it I would not like to speculate.

Bottom. Pffft.

Thanks, chaps. Original lyrics now posted below mine, Griff.

funny stuff. I liked it. I had to look up the original song on YouTube though as I had never listened to it before.

Quote: Curt @ September 6 2008, 8:24 PM BST

I had to look up the original song on YouTube though as I had never listened to it before.

View original

You lucky sod.

Cuuuuurt. Join usssssss.

https://www.comedy.co.uk/forums/thread/8517/113

Cheers, Griff, will slightly de-bum.

I liked the flue line!

Right, slightly de-bummed and en-camped. I couldn't bear to lose the flue line, but I've altered it a bit.

Thanks for your help, everybody.

'Do I like the rear end' would be better as 'Do I like it in the rear end'

Don't like the mum line now.

Just noticed this. Bloody marvellous and hilarious. Best song I've seen in a long time, very neat, upbeat, and uses the rhythm of the original perfectly, especially with the Sue Barker verse - and the rest.

You may realise by now I quite liked this

Love this Bandage. Tis a piece of genius.