This nutter ran up to me and just shouted 'AGNB', I told him it was bang out of order.
I dated a half finished novel, but it ended badly.
Terrible jokes Page 10
I went to the shop for some gravy but they were out of stock.
That's my bastard, noone nick it!
One of my fave of my standup jokes.
I used to keep small animals as pets, but you know in the middle of the night they used to break out and escape, whilst it was always sad I have to admit it's pretty impressive for a goldfish.
I hear terrorists have made a bomb out of Alphabetti Spaghetti. If it goes off it could spell disaster.
I entered an erection contest. After getting through the semi-finals I got to the final. There was some stiff competition but I won; it wasn't very hard.
I entered a premature elaculation competiton. I came first and second.
Q. Why did Margaret Thatcher get bedsores?
A. Because this lady's not for turning.
I actually put this in my set on three separate occasions. The first time it got a big laugh, the second time died on its arse and the third died again, apart from one girl who could be heard saying through her giggles, 'That's so bad!'
Quote: Ben Davids @ December 9 2008, 10:11 PM GMTQ. Why did Margaret Thatcher get bedsores?
A. Because this lady's not for turning.
I actually put this in my set on three separate occasions. The first time it got a big laugh, the second time died on its arse and the third died again, apart from one girl who could be heard saying through her giggles, 'That's so bad!'
Good joke, but why not follow it up with 3 more scattered though out your acts/
Thatcher was fireproof. The Ladys not for burning...
Quote: Ben Davids @ December 9 2008, 10:11 PM GMTQ. Why did Margaret Thatcher get bedsores?
A. Because this lady's not for turning.
I actually put this in my set on three separate occasions. The first time it got a big laugh, the second time died on its arse and the third died again, apart from one girl who could be heard saying through her giggles, 'That's so bad!'
It happens to the best of them.
Quote: sootyj @ December 9 2008, 10:13 PM GMTThatcher was fireproof. The Ladys not for burning...
>_<
That's even worse!
Thatcher couldn't make any butter.
The lady's not for churning
Thatcher was uneducated. The lady's not for learning.
Thatcher only had a small mouth. The lady's not for gurning.
I thought these were mean to be "terrible"? Many of them are great. Let me try and reduce the quality a bit:
Q. Where do generals keep their armies?
A. Up their sleevies
Joan Collins has had more pricks than a second hand dartboard (n.b. used Joan as this was the first time I heard the joke...showing my age)
Tip of the hat to The Two Ronnies:
A boatload of red paint has collided with a boatload of blue paint. The coastguard says nobody was hurt, but 350 sailors have been marooned.
A hole has been discovered in Bridget Bardot's bathroom... police say they are looking into it. (That's REALLY showing my age 
)
A truckload of terrapins collided with a truckload of tortoises. Police say it was a turtle disaster.