Terrible jokes

Exactly what is says on the tin.

This is a thread for terrible jokes. Jokes only though and preferably ones you invented yourself.

The bad joke is a noble thing, the groan of dismay it creates is a weird sensation. Done properly it's like Unami the Japanese 5th taste or bumping into an electric fence in the countryside.

A sense of stimulation and hightened awareness perhaps without enjoyment, but a sensation all the same.

Me first;

Which newsreader is the biggest c**t?

Flangella Rippon.

Why didn't Pincohio bring his teak girlfriend to the Loony Tunes party?

'Cos Woody Woodpecker.

What's the difference between Michael Palin and Sarah Palin?
Alaska.
(I'll ask her). Terrible I know.

How does a bachelor celebrate being single?
He goes with his mates on a stag don't.

Q) What's the difference between a greyhound and Gary Glitter?
A) A greyhound will always wait for the hare.

Q) What's black and screams?
A) Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Full marks to Perry.

I'd say 10 out of 10 to Nigel and Perry.

Both fine gagsmiths.

Q) What's black and screams?
A) Stevie Wonder answering the iron.

Thats a brill joke, can't remember who first came up with it but I lol'd when i first heard it.

Here's one of my faves which you will all know:

Q:Whats brown and sticky?
A:A stick.

My nephews love that one. To be fair, they are a bit simple.

I just been watching some time vine http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eshR-WpdYDM

Nearly everyone of his gags is a great 'bad' joke. Genius.

The Chuckle Brothers dressed as owls

Twit

Twoo

Q: What do you call a man with a blue dick?
A: A tight-fisted wanker

I haven't told that for years. In fact, the last time I remember telling it, I was on one of the cable cars at Alton Towers, on a school trip, drifting over the tree tops. It got a good reception from everyone inside, as I recall.

I'll remember that one.

A man stops at a petrol station as his car is low on fuel. He tries to fill up but unsuccessfully. He goes to the manager and complains, the manager comes out and discovers the problem immediately. The manager, who is wearing a hat, takes off his hat and fills it up with petrol and then looks at the man. The man is still puzzled so the manager tells him, 'you didn't take off your petrol cap.'

Another terrible joke from the Nigel Kelly Terrible Joke Stable.

Oh dear Lord.

You thought that was bad Aaron.

Bloke 1: 'I hear there's loads of gay coppers now.'
Bloke 2: 'Yeah, talk about a slap on the wrist.'

Guy Fawkes gets to hear about his wife having an affair and bursts into his house thinking she's there. His maid tells him that she'll be back later. Guy Fawkes replies, 'I'll be waiting 'cos there's gonna be fireworks, let me tell you.'

A man walks past a market stall and the trader shouts at him, 'Oi baldy.' A woman then walking past hears, 'your hairs nice, not!'. The trader then shouts at some pensioner, 'not be long now' and hums the funeral march. The trader abuses all and sundry. An irate crowd gathers and the police are called. The policeman at the stall says, 'It's ok, he's a wind up merchant.'

Exit signs, they're on the way out aren't they.

Oh deary, deary me.