Kyle is lying in bed and his phone goes off, he notices the camera and flinches. He answer’s the call and puts it on loudspeaker.
Kyle
What the hell you ringing at this time for?
Robert (V.O)
I just got a call from Michael
Kyle
Michael! as in your brother Michael, gee talk about an anti-climax (disappointed)
What did he want, oh let me guess he wanted to know how you were, brrrrrilliant!! You Jerk!! (Light heartedly)
Robert (V.O)
Nah he said he was talking to his friend Garry
Kyle
Garry?
Robert (V.O)
The one you told the racist joke too and then…
Kyle
He told me his wife was black, ah yeah. (to the camera) I am not racist by the way, I was simply the messenger.
Robert
Not black! The term I think you are looking for is our tainted brothers… and, or sisters (deadly serious)
Kyle
(sighs in frustration) I really don’t think they like that. So Garry, what about him?
Robert (V.o)
Yeah he told Michael that there is a competition to meet Sally, all you have to do is send a letter away saying why you want to meet her in less than a thousand words so we could do that today?
Kyle
Moron!! I seen that yesterday was on a kid’s TV show
Robert
And what?
Kyle
We could e-mail her I suppose, yeah we do that later.
Robert (V.O)
Yeah, Oh you should have seen my dream last night, it was where I was in A bug’s Life and Me and Flick were just talking about ways to beat the grasshoppers!(in a childlike tone but as though this actually happened)but in the end we didn’t bit sad, don’t know if it would be classed as a dream or a nightmare?
Kyle
(laughs) I love that, the ants were obviously better off without you, they can defeat them in the movie! Later man
Robert (V.O)
See ya
CUT
Later in the day, writing the e-mail to Sally. Kyle on the computer and reading out as he is typing.
Kyle
(To the camera) Right, we are now about to start our e-mail to Sally. Robert did one earlier. It was however preposterous. Do you wanna hear it? (Desperate to read out the garbage written by Robert) Here it is, it’s hilarious:
Dear Sal, we’ve wrote before but you still ain’t calling
I left our cell, my pager, and my home phone at the bottom
We sent two letters back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em
There probably was a problem at the post office or somethin
Sometimes I scribble addresses too sloppy when I jot 'em
but anyways; f**k it, what's been up? how's your daughter?
Robert Continues
Firstly she doesn’t have a daughter, you nob! (to the camera) and then he goes on:
I know you probably hear this everyday, but I'm your biggest fan
I even got the underground stuff that you did with Elton
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures wo-man
I like the shit you did with Barlow too, that shit was fat
Anyways, I hope you get this Sal, hit me back,
just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan
This is Bobby Brown aka Fran
Why Fran? (holding in laughter)
Robert
Wanted to make it rhyme at the end!
Kyle
Ah right, and you did all this yourself right?
Robert
Most of it yeah!
Kyle
Didn’t