A "Bad Joke" Sketch

INT. OFFICE. DAY.
<Edited version>

CARL is sitting on his chair eating a banana and surfing the web. SEB enters, walks up behind CARL and taps him on the left shoulder, before stepping to the right. CARL looks over his left shoulder, glimpses SEB grinning behind him, and turns right to get a proper view.

CARL:Hello Seb.

SEBgrinning) Carl. Alright?

CARL:… Yup.

SEBsits at the desk beside CARL) I’ve, er – I’ve got something of interest to tell you.

CARL:Why?

SEB:Wha – because it’s interesting.

CARLh yeah. Go on.

SEBid you hear about the seagull that was taken to court after it shat on a chap’s camera? Apparently, they found the gull liable!

CARL:Mmm.

SEB:They found the “gull – liable”.

CARL:Mmm.

SEBpoints at CARL, touches nose, grinning) Aaah!

CARL:What?

SEB:You believed me.

CARL:What?

SEB:Well, if you believe me, it proves you’re “gull – liable”.

CARL:Are you impeded mentally?

SEB:No! I mean, no; it’s my joke. “Gull – liable”? It’s like “gullible”. See? So if you believe me, you’re bloody – bloody gullible!

SEB grins.

CARL:A joke?

SEB:Yeah. It’s my humour. I mean, it’s not great –

CARLnods) It’s awful.

SEBHurt) Alright!

CARL:I mean no offence, Seb, but your joke is to humour what anti-matter is to matter. It’s anti-humour. Do you understand?

SEB:Well –

CARL:In fact, when you told me that was a joke, my heart melted into vomit and drowned my soul. That’s how disappointing it was.

SEBh, like you can do better.

CARL:I can.

SEB:Really?

CARL:Really.

SEB:You talk the talk, but can you walk the walk?

CARL:I don’t need to “walk the walk”; it’s verbal humour, so talking will suffice, my friend.

A beat.

SEB:… Right then. Let’s hear it, big man.

CARL:Fine. (Clears throat) Would you say yes to success?

SEB:Yes.

CARL:Hi. (Points at fly) I’m Cess.

A beat.

SEB:What are you doing?

CARL:That’s a quality joke.

SEB:It’s a fellatio-based pun, and it’s not even yours.

CARLo?

SEB:My joke’s original. You just repeated your joke like a humorous parrot. I invented mine like – a humorous Edison.

CARL:Ah, but who gets more laughs?

SEB:That’s beside the point.

CARL:I think you’ll find that’s very much the point of a joke.

A beat. SEB grimaces.

SEB:Fine. I’ve got another original. Try to beat this.

CARL:Hit me.

SEB:What did the New Zealander say to the samurai?

CARL:Go on.

SEB:“Do you Kerry Katona?”

CARL:What?

SEB:You know, the accent? We say “carry katana”; they say “Kerry Katona”. You see…?

CARL stares at SEB, before pushing the half-eaten banana into SEB’s eye. FIN.

This means nothing Tommy.

Ah.... Vienna.

Quote: Marc P @ September 3 2008, 10:53 AM BST

This means nothing Tommy.

Ah.... Vienna.

View original

Is that criticism or witticism?

A litle bit of both.

But in the style of your piece...

It wasn't really for me Tommy, the jokes weren't so much crowbarred in as padded around with more wiffle waffle banter than an evening at the WI.

A joke's a joke, a sketch is a sketch, (never a skit apparently) and never the twain should meet, it's too conciously self aware. Unless it is in a J Sullivan script of course.

Sorry Tommy way to long, no real punch and shaggy dogs live and die on their own. They really don't work as part of a longer sketch.

You've written better.

Thanks for the feedback, fellas... the jokes weren't meant to be funny though; I was *aiming* at creating humour through the interaction between the characters, who were using (deliberately) poor jokes competatively. The self-consciousness was intentional, in that sense. Seems it didn't really come across.

Conciseness is not something I'm good at, either, Joel. I shall work on it, though I thought this sort of sketch has to be longer given its "aim".

But I know that "You've written better" = sootyj's seal of damnation.

EDIT: would shorter jokes substantially improve it?

Yes comedy for me it about two big things pace and surprise.

If you get pace wrong it's near impossible to be funny.

And shaggy dogs unless done on their own have no pace at all.

I suppose "you've written better," is the sootyj scarlet letter.

But it also means you've written better, which in my view you have.

Quote: sootyj @ September 3 2008, 11:43 AM BST

Yes comedy for me it about two big things pace and surprise.

If you get pace wrong it's near impossible to be funny.

And shaggy dogs unless done on their own have no pace at all.

I suppose "you've written better," is the sootyj scarlet letter.

But it also means you've written better, which in my view you have.

View original

Thanks for the last line, Joel. I'll get rid of the "shaggy dogs" and post the new version.

You're a good writer and alot of your stuff is almost instinctively funny. I especially like your mock news (a style that evades me).

If you check out my back catalogue, there's plenty of

"you've written betters"

I could reccomend some real stinkers.

Experimenting with new ideas, getting things wrong, puting up stuff that you're not sure about is how you get the skills.

Thanks Joel, it's great to have someone who provides genuinely constructive criticism (and that's completely sincere!)

I've re-posted. Any better? Further suggestions?

Theirs something still missing for me, I think the characters are to similar, the punch line isn't there and it's got to much explanation.

Comedy about bad jokes is pretty hard.

I think it needs work.

Quote: sootyj @ September 3 2008, 12:02 PM BST

Theirs something still missing for me, I think the characters are to similar, the punch line isn't there and it's got to much explanation.

Comedy about bad jokes is pretty hard.

I think it needs work.

View original

Fair enough. Feel I'll relinquish this one; have to write an essay anyway.

Thanks again!

I'm reading the edited version (didn't see the original) and it seems that every point Marc P has made still stands.

It's a few (rather naff - sorry) jokes shoehorned into an office scene. There is nothing at stake. There is no drama. There's no-one to root for and no-one to despise. There is no payoff or punchline.

My advice - don't think in terms of puns or 'jokes' (the kind you might tell down the pub), think in terms of 'situations'. A character wants something and someone (or something) stops them getting it. Find the right situation and the jokes will arise naturally.

Quote: David Bussell @ September 3 2008, 2:22 PM BST

Find the right situation and the jokes will arise naturally.

View original

I hope you're not referring to what my Mrs says is 'a joke'.

Quote: Morrace @ September 3 2008, 2:30 PM BST

I hope you're not referring to what my Mrs says is 'a joke'.

View original

See, now that's funny.