The Golden Larynx of Mike Paradigm - Episode 3

The next episode of my written for the web series. Is this funny or just plain crude - I can't make up my mind.

THE GOLDEN LARYNX OF MIKE PARADIGM
Episode Three: ‘The New News’

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

MIKE CREEPS INTO THE STUDIO. HE EXTENDS A FRIENDLY HAND TO ANDY.

MIKE:
Hi, Andy, how was your weekend?

ANDY:
(SHAKING HIS HAND) You don’t have to play nice just because I’m taking industrial action against you for the gay slurs, Mike.

MIKE:
Thank f**k for that.

MIKE PEELS OFF A SURGICAL GLOVE IN DISGUST AND DROPS IT IN THE BIN.

MIKE (CONT):
To business then. What’s on the slate?

ANDY:
Christine and George have called in sick so we need you to fill.

MIKE:
You want me to cover two news readers?

ANDY:
Just one. I’ll be covering George – you’re filling in for Christine.

MIKE:
Like bollocks I…

ANDY HOLDS UP AN OFFICIOUS LOOKING DOCUMENT WITH THE HEADING ‘INDUSTRIAL ACTION’.

MIKE (CONT):
Let’s do this thing!

ANDY HANDS MIKE HIS PAPERS AND THEY BOTH TAKE TO THEIR MICS.

ANDY:
We’re going out live, so let’s get this right.

MIKE:
I think I know how to do a news broadcast, Andy.

ANDY FLIPS A SWITCH.

ANDY:
Three, two and….

ANDY GIVES THE THUMBS UP.

MIKE:
What? Are you going to say one? When do we get started?

ANDY MAKES FRANTIC ‘ROLLING’ SIGNS.

MIKE:
(READING) Good evening, these are the headlines from Radio CB108.

A JINGLE PLAYS.

MIKE (CONT):
(READING) Another police officer dead today, bringing the figure up to thirty this year.

ANDY:
(READING) And thirty one dead in motorway pile-up on the A406.

MIKE:
Thirty one?

ANDY GLARES AT HIM.

MIKE (CONT):
(READING) Single mother caught in Brixton gangland crossfire.

ANDY:
(READING) Two teens murdered in Oklahoma school slaying.

MIKE:
This is bullshit! Did you write this? You get the best one every time!

ANDY:
(READING) Eighty seven adults dead in Siberian derailment tragedy…

MIKE:
(READING) Eighty eight people dead in Berlin air disaster! Ha! Boo ya!

MIKE DOES A FIST PUMP AND THROWS SOME V’S IN ANDY’S DIRECTION.

ANDY:
(CONTINUING) …plus one child.

MIKE FREEZES MID VICTORY DANCE.

MIKE:
F**k you, Andy.

END

Nice character based comedy, strong build up and confident enough not to need a punchline.

I liked it.

Couldn't help but vision an alternative with increasingly severe crimes.

Mugger

Rapist

Murderer

Cannibal

War criminal.

War criminal necrophiliac, rapist.

Cheers, Sootyj. Retooled the ending slightly to make it punchier.

Oh good stuff I thought the original was damn near perfect.

I was thinking more of a sequel.

I love zig zag sketches there such fun to write.

Crude but goode

I like it a lot.

This is very good. The Mike character puts me in mind of an Alan Partridge / Guy Secretan amalgam, which is certainly no bad thing.

Could this develop into a sitcom, David? 5 stars.

Thanks, guys.

I don't know about a sitcom but I think it could sustain a series of shorts. The Mike character isn't a bit like the character you mention, Tommy - a classic prick. He's a little Roger Mellie too I'm starting to realise.

I'd get rid of the 'So one better than mine then' line and just have it come across with his perplexed face, so it's obvious what's going on.

If he 'beat' him by only one each time, it might be add to the infuriation (and add to the funny), especially if he's throwing childish Vs during his victory dance.

Oh, and he's a bit Arnold Rimmer too, if you're listing...

Dan

Excellent points, Dan. Ammended.

Reads better now, but this bit:

ANDY:
(READING) Eighty seven adults dead in Siberian derailment tragedy…

ANDY:
(CONTINUING) …plus one child.

is still confusing. How about

MIKE:
(READING) Eighty eight people dead in Berlin air disaster!

ANDY:
(CONTINUING) …plus two children.

(if you'll allow me the liberty of a small suggestion)

Dan

Much better. Cheers for the tips.

I quite like this, but I didn't find the ending that screamingly hilarious. Seemed to be in between a sketch and a sitcom scene, but not one or t'other.

Not being much of a net-comedy viewer, may I ask what the intention of webisodes are? Are they just a series of sketches set in the same environment with the same characters? Or do all the webisodes come together to tell one long story?

I thank you.

Oooh, just seen The Sweryt's suggestion. I like that!

What webisodes are exactly is a bit of a grey area, but for my purposes they're a selection of sketches using the same characters. I may decide to add an overarching story, it depends what the producers decide they want. The single location thing is purely for budgetary reasons.

Yeah, Dan got what I was aiming at and made the ending a lot more comprehensible. That's what I like about this forum, see?