Yeah, I realisd AFTER I'd written it. lol 
Train Station Sketch Page 2
You know what Winterlight, I think your original was best. Guy avoiding banana skin falls down open manhole has kind of been done. Cheap visual payoff that has no relevance to the meat of the sketch. And, also, actually makes no sense cos he can see where he is walking.
The man who loses his luggage for love is funny enough for me.
I hate it when this happens.
I'll do what I usually do and write both up. Then sit on them til a producer calls me.
Quote: Marc P @ September 2 2008, 9:38 PM BSTCheap visual payoff that has no relevance to the meat of the sketch. And, also, actually makes no sense cos he can see where he is walking.
Although, that is a very good point. You professionals with your sense and logic!
Quote: David Bussell @ September 2 2008, 3:15 PM BSTI like the build but I'm not sold on the ending - it's just too sacharine and not terribly funny.
I rather like the falling on the rails ending though. Especially if it turns out she didn't really like him at all.
Nasty man!
Lub yoo!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I must agree with Marc P (even though he is a "perfessioanal writer" and of course, not to be trusted..;-)
I like the original best. It's subtle. Why does everything have to have a "thigh slapping" punch?
How about: 'Bollocks, i've only gone and forgotten my Young persons'"
That happened to me on a train to Oxford on Tuesday. Stupid trains.
I prefer the original ending though, i must say.
Quote: Marc P @ September 2 2008, 9:38 PM BSTYou know what Winterlight, I think your original was best. Guy avoiding banana skin falls down open manhole has kind of been done. Cheap visual payoff that has no relevance to the meat of the sketch. And, also, actually makes no sense cos he can see where he is walking.
The man who loses his luggage for love is funny enough for me.
Exactly. Mills & Boon with a touch of humour, there's no harm in that.
Excellent dialogue as well, Winterlight.