The Golden Larynx of Mike Paradigm

This is an episode of a 6 part web series I'm hoping to make about a voiceover artist and his long-suffering technician. I'd appreciate any feedback you might have.

THE GOLDEN LARYNX OF MIKE PARADIGM
Episode Two: ‘Mike on the Mic'

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

MIKE STRUTS INTO THE STUDIO AND TOSSES HIS HAT AT ANDY'S FACE.

MIKE:
What up, numb nuts?

ANDY:
Hi Mike, how was your…

MIKE:
…yeah, whatever.

HE DUMPS HIMSELF IN A SEAT AND DOES A LITTLE SPIN.

MIKE (CONT):
Think fast!

HE HURLS HIS JACKET, MISSES ANDY AND KNOCKS OVER A MICROPHONE STAND. THE APPARATUS TOPPLES…

ANDY:
Look out!

BUT MIKE IS FACING THE OTHER AWAY. THE BUSINESS END OF THE MICROPHONE HITS HIM IN THE BACK OF THE SKULL WITH AN UNPLEASANT SQUELCH.

ANDY:
Oh my God!

THE MIC REMAINS STUCK IN MIKE'S HEAD. ANDY LOOKS READY TO THROW UP. WITHOUT MOVING HIS LIPS, MIKE SPEAKS OUT LOUD.

MIKE:
(V.O.) What's this mincing little cocknapkin moaning about now?

ANDY:
What? What did you say?

MIKE:
I didn't say anything. (V.O.) What's happening? My brain's itchy.

ANDY:
It doesn't make sense but… I think the mic's picking up your thoughts.

MIKE:
That's ridiculous (V.O.) You massive doughnut puncher.

ANDY:
Did you just call me a doughnut puncher?

MIKE:
No way! (V.O.) I see you looking at my bicycle seat with a view to purchase, you dirty little tinker.

ANDY:
What's that supposed to mean?

MIKE:
(V.O.) You want me to put it in gayman's terms?

ANDY:
That's it! I don't have to stand for this!

MIKE:
(V.O.) What, are you late for the manboree at Castle Gayskull?

ANDY:
I'm going to HR! Maybe I am gay, Mike, because I'm about to **** you in the arse!

MIKE:
I didn't mean it! Come back! Andy!

BUT ANDY'S OFF.

MIKE (CONT):
(V.O.) Mmmm, look at the arse on that.

MIKE'S EYES WIDEN.

END

*I'm aware that I've used the expression V.O. in direct contradiction to a post I made on another thread. Ordinarily I would avoid it unless I was writing narration but I'm at a loss as to what else to use.

**Many thanks to Sootyj for the loan of the expression "Castle Gayskull."

Geez, that's good stuff again Dave. Love it.

Yeah, good and interesting idea too.

Very nice good punchy dialogue;

You've punched more guys in the ring then Muahammed Ali.
You're 2 bestest superheroes are Batty man and Throbbin'
You're just like Gordon Brown, you can't look some one in the eye when you f**k them.
You're so gay your dr thought you had a dick transplant from a Black guy.
If you were a Scifi villain you'd be Garth Gaydar.
Your so gay you went into the closet, just to f**k Aslan.

Quote: sootyj @ September 1 2008, 5:04 PM BST

You're so gay you went into the closet, just to f**k Aslan.

View original

You cried when you saw The Ring. You thought it was your life story.

This is good.

Thanks for the kind words, budchums.

Enjoyed this, and the other episode you've posted. Episode three is particularly accurate if my experience of radio journos is anything to go by.

How are you doing this: live action or animated?

Cheers, Graham.

The idea is to shoot live action - six episodes, two characters, one location.

If anyone knows a recording studio I could use as a set (mixing desks/glass partition/that sort of guff) I'd be delighted to hear about it.

Liked this. Nice pace. As ever you describe events very satisfyingly indeed. Use the word "BUT" well to keep the pace well in written form.
e.g. BUT ANDY'S OFF as opposed to ANDY WALKS OFF.

Oh, and I didn't mean BUTT ANDY. >_<

Yeah, liked this one. Maybe a bit heavy on the gay-bash though. Takes away a bit from the clever idea of the thought-reading.

I'll read the other one to see if it has longevity.

Dan

Yeah, I did wonder is the gay bashing was a bit much. I figured so long as I made Mike a big enough prick (and the victim of the sketch) I'd get away with it though.

Maybe a throwaway line or two about 'inner thoughts' or just something completely surreal proving how vacuous he is (just after the 'my brain's itchy') would add a bit to it.

(Actually, I just thought nothing but 'tumbleweed wind' rushing through the mic after insertion might be funny, but that's a different sketch totally)

Dan