Hey. This came to me after watching Big Brother tonight. It's a psycho pitching a show idea to a tv executive and his assistant.
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SCENE 1. INSIDE TV EXECS OFFICE
EXEC
FADE IN) and he just replied: ‘But her fake driving licence said she was 19!' What a bloody rotter – god love him (LAUGHS) Anyway, we're meeting him for a piss-up on Saturday, so clear your schedule.
F/X: SOUND OF INTERCOM
JANICEOFF) We have a Mr. Davison to meet you.
EXEC
k Janice, send him in.
ASSISTANT: Who's this?
EXEC:Just another guy who's got the ‘next big thing'. We'll make it quick and head off for lunch.
F/X
OUND OF DOOR OPENING
ASSISTANT: Hello Mr Davison. I'm Mr Simmons, but you can call me Daniel. And this is Mr Jones.
EXEC:Mr Jones will be fine.
F/X:THEY SHAKE HANDS. DON'T KNOW HOW I WOULD DO THIS AS A SOUND EFFECT
EXEC:Wow. Have you been slapping fish? I'm just joshing with you. That was a nice, firm, dry hand-shake.
F/XOUND OF BUTTON PRESSED ON INTERCOM
EXEC:Janice, can we get a box of baby-wipes in here, stat.
ASSISTANT: I'm sorry, what was your name?
LEEROY:My name is Leeroy.
EXEC:That's strange. You don't see many whites called Leeroy.
LEEROY:What are you trying to say?
EXEC:I'm not saying it's a bad thing! You're kind of like a pioneer of race/name relations. Anyway, what is this idea you've got.
LEEROYome people have to die.
EXECPAUSE) Right, ok. And what is the title?
LEEROYome people have to die.
EXEC:I see. It's concise, I'll give you that.
ASSISTANT: But what is the premise?
LEEROY:It's like Big Brother – but with killings.
EXEC:Keep talking....
LEEROY:Instead of saying ‘Ron, you've been evicted', they would say ‘Ron, you have been chosen to die', and he gets shot in the face.
EXEC:I do like the catchphrase. Catchphrases are big at the moment.
ASSISTANT: I can see us struggling to get the whole ‘killing of people' aspect through the health and safety checklist.
EXEC:Why? Someone died on a Noel Edmonds show 20 years ago, and they got away with it.
ASSISTANT: Yes, but I don't think it was actually a part of the show's weekly format.
EXEC:Hey, they broke down the barrier – we're just following them through the gap. We'll just get the contestants to sign a consent form, which says something like: ‘oh, and you might die'...in small print.
ASSISTANT: So, Leeroy, who would take part in this show?
LEEROY:Those dirty communist pigs.
EXECPAUSE) Ok. Or, even better, two families could compete against each other. I'm getting a vibe about this now. It could be like Family Fortunes.
LEEROY:But with killings.
EXEC:Exactly! They keep playing until only one family member remains. (BEAT) And they win a family holiday to Antigua. How deliciously devilish.
ASSISTANT: Tell us a bit more about yourself, Leeroy.
EXEC:Yeah, I noticed on your C.V there is a gap in your work history from 1993-2002.
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That's how far i've got. Any potential there? (hope you all got past the hack joke at the start)
