Dalek Restaurant

1

BOB AND JEN ARE SITTING IN WHAT LOOKS LIKE A GAUDY INDIAN RESTAURANT, THE WALLS HAVE A SUSPICIOUS LARGE NUMBER OF PICTURES OF PLANETS BEING DESTROYED. THE DADO RAIL HAS LARGE HALF SPHERES ON IT.

GRAMS

Sita music, with a harsh metalic undertone.

BOB

I don't know why we can't goto the Harvester, I love the salad cart and you get a hot roll.

JEN

Shut up Bob you are not bloody embarassing me tonight, we're just being adventurous with a different cultures cuisine.

BOB

Can I just order chicken and chips?

JEN

No, now shut up here comes the waiter. If you order 20 popadoms you're on the ruddy couch tonight.

A DALEK APROACHES THEIR TABLE. IT HAS AN APRON ON AND A NOTE PAD ATTACHED TO IT'S SUCKER.

DALEK

Exterminate!

BOB DIVES UNDER THE TABLE.

JEN

Exterminate! Bob get up here, it's how they say hello. Can we see the menu please?

DALEK

We have evolved beyond your primitive menus.

JEN(Under breath to BOB, who has popped back up).

Don't bloody mention the time war.

DALEK

We Daleks have evolved beyond primitive digestive systems. We require only annual charges of 50,000 volts.

JEN

50,000 volts each and a bottle of Mateus Rose will be lovely.

BOB

You do know Tim and Phylis will be joining us later, isn't this going to be awkward?

JEN

Why would it?

TIM AND PHYLIS ARRIVE THEY ARE CYBERMEN, PHYLIS HAS A HAND BAG AND PEARLS, TIM IS WEARING A TRILLBEY.

DALEK

You will be exterminated!

TIM AND PHYLIS

You will be deleted!

CHAOS ENSUES.

2

RESTAURANT AS ABOVE, DALEKS SCOOT AROUND TAKING ORDERS FROM HUMANS.

SUDDENLY A DALEK EXCLAIMS.

DALEK1

Alert, alert, no pets it's health and safety nightmare.

DALEK2

It will be exterminated, if you don't clear off.

THERE ARE SEVERAL SEA DEVILS TRYING TO GET INTO THE RESTAURANT THEY HAVE A MURKA ON A ROPE AND BACK TO FRONT CAPS.

SEADEVIL

Rastalon-clarts

3

RESTAURANT AS ABOVE, THE DR AND DONNA ARE WAITING FOR THEIR FOOD.

DONNA

Ere Dr will you bloody relax already.

DR

Not only is is unbelievabely dangerous eating in a Dalek restaurant, but the foods half an hour late.

DALEK SCOOTS UP

DALEK

Chef is just adding his special sauce (sarcastic) I'm so sorry.

INTERIOR KITCHEN LOTS OF DALEKS SURROUNDING A PLATE.

DALEKS (AS ONE)

Ejaculate! ejaculate!, ejaculate!

Similar idea, but diferent objective and jokes.

No one can claim a patent on Dalek jokes.

Daleks are comedic just about to post chapters 2+3

Like it, joel. Certainly made me laugh.

Fantastic idea for a sketch. Set up is fine, but exterminate is not how Daleks say hello and the Dalek entrance should be funny enough without. Save exterminate for later. I would also cut Jen's next line and the Dalek's reply.

Rather than the Dalek asking if they want to see the menu I would have Jen asking for it.

The cyberman pay off is a bit lazy. I am sure you can do better.

I liked the sketch - I thought the Cybermen aspect was good!

Quote: Timbo @ August 27 2008, 12:10 AM BST

Fantastic idea for a sketch. Set up is fine, but exterminate is not how Daleks say hello and the Dalek entrance should be funny enough without. Save exterminate for later. I would also cut Jen's next line and the Dalek's reply.

Rather than the Dalek asking if they want to see the menu I would have Jen asking for it.

The cyberman pay off is a bit lazy. I am sure you can do better.

View original

May put in the edits, I do like a naff Cybermen punchline.

but may incorporate it with episode 2 instead.

Quote: Griff @ August 27 2008, 12:13 AM BST

What does Dr.Who have for his starters?

Dalek Bread.

I thankyew.

View original

Quote: Griff @ August 27 2008, 12:13 AM BST

What does Dr.Who have for his starters?

Dalek Bread.

I thankyew.

View original

Don't make me get out my cidermen gag.

I wrote the whole thing because I loved the idea of a Murka on a rope, and Rastalon-clarts as an insult.