MILEY MILOSEVIC?
In news that shocked literate America, fatuous teeny bopper Miley Cyrus was today indicted by the International Criminal Court in the wake of revelations about her true identity. According to undisclosed intelligence sources, the whiney, preachy, Tennessee bint is in fact the alter-ego of former Serbian leader and war criminal Slobodan Milosevic.
Milosevic's trial in The Hague ended abruptly with his apparent death in 2006. However, embarrassed Dutch authorities were today forced to admit that Milosevic had in fact escaped custody after perfecting his disturbingly hate-inspiring disguise.
"It is a testament to Milosevic's foresight that he managed to create the Cyrus girl in hologram form in 1992, years before his arrest," said foreign affairs ministry spokesman Piet Hoogervanck as he lit his third spliff and caressed his boyfriend's knee. "I suppose the clues were there, but then again, Cyrus' sub-human quality which should have alerted authorities probably sparked her meteoric rise in the first place".
Following an extended make-up session, Milosevic replaced his hologram creation in person, and propelled ‘Cyrus' to stardom. "He never could resist the limelight," noted Hoogervanck, "whether authorising genocide or recording for Walt Disney Records, Slobodan was ever the showman – or showgirl".
Incredibly, not only did he portray a fatuous, egotistical, teenaged bimbo in his life as Miley Cyrus, he also managed to portray a fatuous, egotistical teenaged bimbo on screen. Although Milosevic took on the part of Hannah Montana in front of the cameras he reportedly didn't realise he was meant to be portraying another fictional character at the time, hence Cyrus and Montana remaining utterly indistinguishable entities.
Despite his arrest and impending retrial Milosevic was philosophical. "Who would have thought during my campaign of nationalist destruction throughout the 1990s that old Slobodan would one day win ‘Best Child Role Model' at the Golden Icon Awards presented by Travolta Family Entertainment?"
However, Piet Hoogervanck pointed out that Milosevic's hoax was flawed from the start. "When you think about the name he's given his alter-ego, it's pretty clear you're dealing with somebody with a poor understanding of the English language. He's just colloquialised an imperial unit of measurement and tacked a Persian emperor on the end".
Henry Henry,The Hague, 2008.
