DAVID CAMERON IS SITTING ON A CHAIR WITH A BIG STORY BOOK SURROUNDED BY KIDS.
DAVID
So the big brave handsome Conservative Primeminister, rode to the end of the rainbow. There he saw the evil Lepracaun guarding his pot of gold, and he snuck up on him with his....
ONE OF THE KIDS IS JOHN SNOW.
JOHN
With respect that doesn't explain how you're going to cover your outrageous spending promises if you get elected Mr Cameron.
DAVID
I will be studying Labour over spend, comissioning a full analysis of current PFI contracts. Then I'll put on my ring of invisibility and sneak into the dragon Smaug's lair.
JOHN
That's not only a fantasy, but you've also ripped off the plot of the Hobbit. Magic stories about magic folk won't pay the bills.
DAVID
Oh alright we'll slash spending, blame the poor and sell what ever's left in the NHS unsoundBrown hasn't pissed up the wall.
JOHN
Cameronics just like Labour, but with nicer swimming trunks.
A MAN IS SEEING HIS DOCTOR
DOCTOR
Right Mr Jones I have some bad news for you, it's cancer and it's Jade Goody bad.
MAN
Oh dear God is there anything you can do, what's the treatment?
DOCTOR
Well we've got 3 options.
MAN
Oh that's good what's the first one?
DOCTOR
Hirudinaria.
MAN
Funny name for a drug.
DOCTOR
Oh it's not a drug, it's leaches with any luck they might like your cancer and eat it.
MAN
That's bloody ridiculous, what else is there?
DOCTOR
Sex change, or we could use a computer.
MAN
I am not a transexual, and what can a computer do?
DOCTOR
At a cost of 13 billion pounds I hope it does something. Sure you don't want a sex change, you've lovely bone structure and cracking legs....
MAN
No I just want some drugs, surely there must...
DOCTOR
I'm sorry but we have to ration don't you know there's a war on?
MAN
What bloody war?
DOCTOR
War on terror, poverty, obesity, I think Gordy won't be happy till he's beaten every adjective.
MAN
Fine I'll take a leach.
DOCTOR
Oi Charles get in here.
ENTER PRINCE CHARLES.
CHARLES
Do I have to bite this one's arse?
CHARLES IS TALKING TO GORDON BROWN.
GORDON
Your highness I'm a very busy man, I can't keep coming to fields of GM crops because you think they're dangerous.
CHARLES
But these ones are extremely dangerous.
GORDON
How do you know?
CHARLES
They told me, come on talk, say something.
GORDON
Good day your highness I'm a busy man. I've got to do what ever it is I do whilst I wait for Cameron to take over.
GORDON WALKS OFF
(OOS) VOICE OF CORN.
Ha ha! Big ears no one believes.
CHARLES
Shut up!
VOICE OF CORN
Oi big ears we f**ked Camilla.
CHARLES
That's not true.
CAMILLA WALKS ON WITH A PIECE OF CORN ON THE COB AND A GUILTY EXPRESSION