1
GEORGE BUSH IS ON STAGE BEHIND SAKHIEV, MEDIVED IS ON STAGE WITH PUTIN BEHIND HIM.
MEDVED AND SAKHIEVE READ OFF PIECES OF PAPER
MEDVED
I as the democratically elected Russian President demand peace in Georgia, the annexation of South Ossetia. A bottle of vodka, a copy of Mein Kampf, and a copy of horny Russian Presidents.
PUTIN
Sorry that's my shopping list, and I only wanted the magazine because I'm in it.
SNATCHES LIST OF MEDVED.
SAKHIEV
As the democratically elected president of Georgia I demand; a bag of jelly beans, an easy swallow pretzel, and a copy of horny Russian Presidents.
BUSH
Oops, you're swell Putin.
2
BORIS AND KEN ARE TALKING
BORIS
So ya Ken how was your £20,000 trip to China to see their human rights stuff?
KEN
Oh most agreeable. I got Johnny Walker at the show trial, Beaujoulais at the labour camp, and pissed as a newt at the public execution. They treated me very humanely. Did you learn anything Boris?
BORIS
Oh I picked up some great tips on crowd control. Guards take him away he's a terrorist and a carbon polluter.
3
2 POLITICAL ADVISERS TALKING
POL1
John McCain is in trouble, he can't remember how many houses he owns so people think he's too rich.
POL2
It's not because he's rich.
MCCAIN WANDERS ON
MCCAIN
Is this my house? Are you my mommy, am I elected yet?
4
JOHN MOLONY IS ON THE STAGE
JOHN
G'day I'm John Malony mayor of Mount Isa, and loud mouthed dimwit. Ugly birds why not move here, hell we'll even take druggies and tax exiles, long as your tits are big enough. So where the hell are ya?
KERRY KATONA WALKS ON WITH A SUITCASE.
KERRY
That's why bipolar mums move to Australia.