All reactions greeted warmly.
A reality TV style program. Uses close-up shots, handheld footage and quick cuts. Expletives are censored out with a tone.
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SCENE 1. INT. UN HEADQUARTERS. DAY.
UN S-G is shown marching down a corridor, ostensibly in UN headquarters, NYC. He is then shown at his desk in his office, reading dossiers, talking on the phone, leaning back on his chair etc. A narrator's voiceover is played.
NARRATOR
V/O) Pete Lewis has recently been appointed Secretary General of the United Nations. As a successful entrepreneur and occasional diplomat renowned for his no-nonsense style, Pete has just three weeks to revolutionise the global governmental organisation. Despite his business nous and political clout, a daunting challenge lies ahead for Pete.
Cut to an interview with PETE.
PETE: This place is a complete cocking shambles. What I need to do is give the UN a good hard kick up the arse. People aren't pulling their weight round here; everyone's waiting for someone to get stuck in and make a difference, but nobody's taking the initiative. What they don't know is that things are going to have to change right now, or the whole place will go to sh*t. That's where I come in; I'm going to take this organisation by the scruff of the neck and make sure it gets its act together.
Cut to footage of two men knocking on PETE's door.
NARRATORV/O) The first issue on Pete's agenda is climate change. Kenneth Obande and Jimmy Cheng are delegates from a UN focus group dealing with the problem. They have come to see Pete with an update on their findings.
Cut to an internal shot of PETE's office. JIMMY and KENNETH are seated in front of PETE's large desk; PETE is seated behind it.
KENNETH:We are suggesting a three-step program to tackle the key causes of climate change. First, we want to invest heavily in renewable energy research and encourage nation-states to follow suit. We will need to get the OPEC countries heavily involved in this program, in order to limit global energy dependency on fossil fuels and –
PETE:Right, what is this? Is this some sort of quick-fix solution?
JIMMY:No, Mr Secretary-General; we're looking at thirty years minimum before we start to see the effects of this program –
PETE:Thirty years? Thirty f**king years? Are you stupid? Are you f**king mental? Listen, you clowns; I've got three sh*tting weeks to sort this out, and you're telling me thirty f**king years? This is c*nting bollocks! Get me someone else who'll stop pissing about and get me some proper f**king answers.
KENNETH:With respect, Mr Secretary-General –
PETE:Kenneth, I'm not saying you're a bad bloke, alright? But you are as thick as pig sh*t! You know anything about deadlines?
JIMMY:We've been working on this for six years –
PETE
ix years and you've only come up with that? Give me a f**king tea-break! Who do you think I am, Dag Hammarskjöld? Both of you, piss off, you're fired. Go on, f**k off.
KENNETH:You want us to just –
PETE:Haven't you got ears? Get out of here! Go!
JIMMY and KENNETH walk out. Close up on PETE's angry face; he glares at the camera.
PETEShakes head) Pair of bloody jokers.
SCENE 2. INT. UN HEADQUARTERS. DAY.
A shot of a young man, VINCE, entering the foyer of the building.
NARRATORV/O) Frustrated at a lack of initiative and commitment among UN staff, Pete has called in Vince Morgan, an ideas man, to present him with a new model to deal with climate change.
Cut to PETE's office. VINCE shakes hands with PETE and sits. PETE sits.
PETE:Vince. What have you got for me?
VINCE:Alright, this is very straightforward and super-efficient. First question: what causes heat?
PETE:Ah – warmth, fire?
VINCE:The sun.
PETE:Yeah, yeah, the sun, right. So what?
VINCEo, I say: deal with global warming at its source. You ain't gotta waste time messing around with greenhouse effects and sh*t like that.
PETE:Go on.
VINCE:Right. I say, don't wait around; I say the best way to reduce the amount of heat coming into the Earth's atmosphere is just to blow up a little bit of the sun.
PETE:Blow up the sun?
VINCE:Just a bit of it, yeah. I reckon five percent is fine. Whatever.
PETE:How the f**k are we going to do that, you c*nting nonce?
VINCE:Nah, nah, listen: nuclear rockets. We just bang ‘em out and knock a bit off the sun. It's a done deal.
PETE screws up his eyes and thinks for a moment, before clapping his hands and pointing at VINCE.
PETE:Brilliant! F**king – yes! You've got the gig. Make it happen!
NARRATORV/O; over shot of PETE and VINCE shaking hands) It's a big moment for Pete. He has faced and overcome his first major test as UN Secretary General. But Pete will soon realise that the world has even more problems than climate change. Join us next week, when Pete Lewis faces the next hurdle in his three-week challenge to fix Earth.
FIN.
I'm not completely sure about it... second part could be tighter. Meant to be the sort of recurring skit you can do in three parts, for eg.