Is this worth salvaging?

Please say if I have posted too often. Comments, re-writes, and all manner of things are welcome.

EXT. ANTARCTIC. DAY.

STARVING ANTARCTIC EXPLORERS SKETCH

Three Antarctic explorers – Bruce, Frank and Ellis – are huddled on a frozen shore. Snow drifts from the sky. Penguins are seen in the background.

BRUCE:Well. This is it. We’re trapped here with no ship, no communication lines, and no food. We’ll have to endure a long, harsh winter before a rescue party arrives. To put it mildly, gentlemen, we’re in a bit of a pickle.

ELLIS:I bloody told you this would happen if we went to Antarctica on a catamaran. I said you’re meant to take an icebreaker. All along, I said icebergs can damage fibreglass, but did you listen? No. Too busy with your poncing about: “Look at me, I’m Bruce, I’m the captain, I always know best”.

BRUCE:Alright Ellis, I accept my choice of vessel was flawed. I know that. But this is no time for recriminations. We need to pull together. You, me, and Frank. Alright, Frank?

FRANK:Yeah.

BRUCE:Ellis?

ELLIS: (pause) Fine.

BRUCE:Good man. I’m going to make a promise to you, Ellis – and Frank, to you too. I’m going to promise you that we’ll get out of here alive.

ELLIS:You’re going to make that promise, are you? And when are you going to make that promise, exactly?

BRUCE:Right now.

ELLIS:Well go on.

BRUCE:I promise you both that we’ll get out of here alive. As God is my witness, lads, I’ll see you home safe. All I ask is your trust. Can you trust me?

ELLIS:Haven’t really thought about it. Frank?

FRANK:Nah.

ELLISuppose we haven’t got a choice, really.

FRANK:Yeah.

BRUCE:Well? Are you with me?

ELLIS:Yeah, yeah.

BRUCE:A little enthusiasm wouldn’t go astray. I’m trying to save your lives here. Right. The first thing we need to do is get some food.

ELLIS:I reckon; I’m starving. Shouldn’t have eaten all the pretzels in one go.

BRUCE:No. Should have had some sort of rationing system with those. I only got two.

ELLIS:Yeah, it was Frank. Having it away with all the pretzels behind your back.

BRUCE:Forget it, it’s in the past. All I can say is, it’s a good thing we’ve got these penguins here.

ELLIS:Yeah, they give the place a bit of life.

BRUCE:Well, yes; but more importantly, they provide us with a source of food.

ELLISo they?

BRUCEh yes. Have you got a knife?

ELLIS:Yeah.

BRUCE:Right, pass it here. I’m off to catch one of those birds.

ELLIS:What, a penguin?

BRUCE:Yep; get a fire going. It’s roast penguin for tea.

ELLIS:Wha – hold on! You can’t do that; you can’t kill a penguin! Look at them! They’re lovely, peaceful creatures, they don’t need any trouble.

BRUCE:We’ve got to eat, Ellis.

ELLIS:Not a penguin! You can’t eat a penguin!

BRUCE:Listen, Greenpeace. I’m not enjoying this, you know. I’m trying to save our lives. Frank understands, don’t you, Frank?

FRANK:Yeah.

ELLIS:No, Frank’s with me, aren’t you Frank?

FRANK:Yeah.

ELLIS:Anyway, I couldn’t eat penguin. No way.

BRUCE:You’ll starve if you don’t eat.

ELLIS:I’m not eating a penguin.

BRUCE:Well, what do you suggest then?

ELLIS:I dunno. Can’t we just pop over to some sort of food outlet?

BRUCE:This is the Antarctic.

ELLISkay, rule out a kebab; but we can find maybe a village, or a farmhouse –

BRUCE:There are no villages, no farmhouses, nothing. Ellis, there are no people here. It’s us or the penguins.

ELLIS:Us? Well, I mean…

BRUCE:What?

ELLIS:I’m just saying, we don’t have to murder a penguin, do we. There is another option.

BRUCE:… Cannibalism?

ELLIS:Well, I mean… you’re bigger than a penguin, aren’t you.

BRUCE:You’d rather kill and eat me than eat a penguin?

ELLISh come on! You’re putting me in an impossible situation here, Bruce. All I’m saying is, when I came here, when I knew that we might get into this sort of situation; I was prepared to eat you if it came down to it. But a penguin; I just couldn’t do it. Not after seeing Happy Feet.

BRUCE:I don’t believe this. I do not believe this. Why does it have to be me? Why not Frank?

ELLISh, you’re doing it again! First the penguins, now Frank! Just when I’d accepted the idea of eating you, you bring Frank into it. How do you think Frank feels, being told he’s on the menu? Not the greatest feeling, I imagine.

BRUCE:How do you think I feel?

ELLIS:It’s poetic justice. You’re the one who brought up this idea of killing and eating everyone.

BRUCE:A penguin! Eating a penguin! I never suggested I was comfortable with being cannibalised!

ELLIS:Typical. It’s all about you, isn’t it. You decide to go to Antarctica; you decide to hire us to accompany you; you decide we’re bringing a catamaran; you decide not to have a Pretzel ration; you decide we have to eat penguins so we don’t (makes quotation marks with fingers) “starve”. Well what about me, Bruce? What about Frank? I think it’s about time you gave something back.

BRUCE:Can’t we at least draw straws?

ELLIS:It’s too late for that, Bruce. You would have killed those penguins. It’s time for you to suffer the consequences. Give the knife to Frank.

Bruce nods and hands Frank the knife.

FRANK:Cheers.

ELLIS:Right, Frank.

Frank sniffs wearily, shuffles forwards and stabs Bruce, who slumps into the snow. A pause. ELLIS stares at the corpse, slowly growing less confident. He and Frank glance at each other with anxious energy.

ELLIS:… Boy, I don’t know how to put this, Frank. I just don’t really feel like eating Bruce.

FRANK:Yeah…

Awkward silence. ELLIS grits his teeth and grins nervously.

ELLIS:… Want a penguin instead?

FRANK:Yeah.

FIN.

Ace punch, but you could do with a few more gags on the way.

Don't worry about posting too much. We'll just ignore you if we need to.

I thought it was predictable and WAAAAY too long.

Needs shortening and some added surprise if you ask me.