The most offensive skit in the world. Page 4

WOODY ALLEN AND DIANE KEATON ARE IN LINE FOR A FILM,THEY ARE SCRUFFY AND BLOOD STAINED. HE HAS A CARVING KNIFE STICKING OUT OF HIS POCKET, SHE HAS A REVOLVER AND A HATCHET STICKING OUT OF HER HAND BAG.

A MAN (CHAINSAW)BEHIND THEM IS WEARING A GORE STAINED BUTCHERS APRON AND IS WEARING A HUMAN FACE MASK, HE HAS A CHAINSAW. HE IS CHATTING TO HIS GIRL FRIEND, WHO LOOKS NORMAL.

CHAINSAW

So I hacked her to pieces, because she reminded me of my mother. I ate her brain because I want to imbibe her essence.

WOODY

Why is there always one behind me in the movie line, oh for a sock full of horse manure.

CHAINSAW

Excuse me I'm the worst serial killer at NYU, I read Mein Kampf 100 times and base all my killings on it. So I happen to think my opinions on murder have a great deal of validity.

WOODY

Oh I just so happen to have Adolf Hitler here.

WOODY PULLS ADOLF INTO THE QUEUE.

HITLER

You know nothing of my work, how you got to kill anybody is beyond me.

Annie Hall - Brilliant parody sootyj!

I think might have another crack at Woody as a serial killer

Quote: sootyj @ August 21 2008, 12:36 PM BST

I think might have another crack at Woody as a serial killer

View original

Sounds like a good idea! Woody cracking one-liners as he squeezes the life out of a 'JAP'!

INT. MATERNITY DELIVERY ROOM - DAY

A MIDWIFE is coaching a MOTHER in labour.

MIDWIFE
Come on, my love, push. Push!

MOTHER
Ooyah! Eee! Ooyah!

MIDWIFE
Come on! One more push!

SFX: Baby's cry.

MIDWIFE picks up BABY, still attached by umbilical cord.

MIDWIFE
Oh, well done, my love. It's a boy.

GARY GLITTER
Tut, can't win 'em all.

JONATHAN KING
Hooray!

ENDS

A BUNCH OF 1980S STYLEE KIDS ARE SITTING IN A LIBRARY, THEY LOOKLIKE THE BREAKFAST CLUB.

THE TEACHER IS TALKING TO THEM HE IS DRESSED LIKE BARRY MANNILOW

TEACHER

So you kids have got detention for a whole Saturday.

PRETTY GIRL

Guess that makes us a Breakfast CLub.

REBELKID

Does Barry Mannilow know you raid his wardrobe?

TEACHER

I'll tell you that next week in detention, hey is some one missing.

GUNSHOTS RING OUT AND TEACHER IS KILLED

BRAINY MAD KID IS THERE DRESSED IN BLACK, HE HAS A VERY BIG GUN.

BRAINY KID

Die you f**king pigs.

CHAOS ENSUES

CHAOS ENSUES.

Best stage direction. Ever.

It's the stage direction of my life.

Apart from that how was the rest of the play Mrs Lincoln?

Liked the simplicity of yours.

Ah, I've always hated that film, so a soupcon of Columbine goes down awfully well. Most amusing.

"Liked the simplicity of yours" - Yes, but was it funny?

Yes

One for the radio this one:

FX: Sound of a MALE and FEMALE having sex. The FEMALE is quiet, but the MALE'S moans get increasingly louder until a groan of obvious climax. The FEMALE begins to cry softly.

MALE (cheerily): And that is how me and your Mummy made you. See? No stork involved.

Oh my word what a shocker!

Funny though.

I don't think anyone will touch it with a bargepole. You know it's bad when sootyj says he's shocked!

Quote: NickTheDon @ August 21 2008, 9:03 PM BST

One for the radio this one:

FX: Sound of a MALE and FEMALE having sex. The FEMALE is quiet, but the MALE'S moans get increasingly louder until a groan of obvious climax. The FEMALE begins to cry softly.

MALE (cheerily): And that is how me and your Mummy made you. See? No stork involved.

View original

Now that is the only one so far to have actually made me feel a bit sick.

Yay Nick!!

I thought a sequel

Could be...

GIRL CRYING

DAD

Well that's where babies come from.

BOY CRYING

BOY

You lied to me and it hurt alot more.

DOG

Woof woof!

DAD

F**k you spot, I told you Darwin said it was ok.