Topical for today.

Edit 3

1
A MENACING BISHOP1 IS ON THE STAGE.
BISHOP1
Bring him Bishop Knuckles and Bishop Basher.
KNUCKLES AND BASHER DRAG ON BISHOP BOB
BISHOP1
Right you horrible little man, do you know what you're here for?
BOB
I questioned the miracle of the virgin birth?
KNUCKLES SLAPS HIM TO THE FLOOR
BISHOP1
Far worse you little toerag, you mentioned Christ.
BOB
But we're Bishops surely our job is to share the joy of his revelation.
BASHER
You're just making it worse for yourself.
BISHOP1
Thank you Bishop Basher. We bishops only discuss 3 things, excluding gay bishops, including gay bishops, and how funny the Simpsons are.
BOB
I prefer Family Guy.
BISHOP1
That's sacrilege.
SHOOTS BOB
KNUCKLES
What's next boss?
BISHOP1
Bring in Bishop Bob(beat) the little bastard won't do an ironic rap on Songs of Praise.

2
GARRY GLITTER IS ON A BOAT WITH A CAPTAIN.

GARY
I can’t believe Atlanta in the US has taken me when the UK wouldn’t.
CAPTAIN
Sorry Gary not Atlanta US, it’s AtlantIS the sunken city.
PUSHES HIM OVER BOARD
CAPTAIN
Look’s like he’s the leader of the pack, a pack of deadly jelly fish.

GARY GLITTER IS WALKING WITH A GUARD ON STAGE.
GARY
Good of South Korea to let me live there, even though I’m a vile paedophile.
GUARD
Sorry not South Korea, it’s North Korea. They’ re going to experiment with biological weapons on you in their capital.
GARY IS DRAGGED AWAY BY A NORTH KOREAN GUARD.
GARY
Help! Don’t wanna be in Pyon-gang, Pyon-gang oh no!

3

JADE IS TALKING TO A JOURNALIST.
JOURNALIST.
So what was it like living in such a disgusting, smelly dump?
JADE
I dunno Big Bruvver India weren’t so bad. They’re all brown though ain’t they, should wash more often.

JOURNALIST
I was talking to the cancer. So is it true your planning to leave Mrs Goody and marry Simon Cowell?

4

2 HUNTERS ARE TALKING TO A SCOTTISH BARMAN.

SCOTTISH
So brings yon gentlemen to my humble tavern.
HUNTER1
We’re hunting bigfoot.
HUNTER2
We heard he’s hideously ugly, incredibly dull, and lollops aimlessly around Scotland.
SCOTTISH
Och that’s no big foot yah numpty, that’s big foot in his mouth, the highly endangered Prime minister. He got lost on the way to Georgia. It’s being steadily driven out by it’s natural competitor.
HUNTER1
The black squirrel?
SCOTTISH
Nay the Alex Salmond.

On a doctrinal point, Anglicans would routinely question the miracle of transubstantiation. That's Roman Catholic and Orthodox dogma. You might try the Virgin Birth instead.

Thanks Bandage

And the prize for the first Jade Goody cancer gag goes to . . .

Quote: Griff @ August 19 2008, 2:01 PM BST

Also you have your Bishops mixed up. Knuckles and Basher drag on Bishop3 not Bishop2.

View original

Thanks I got muddled by how to divide out all my Bishops.

Were the skits any good Mr Bandage you seem coyer than usual?

Quote: Graham Bandage @ August 19 2008, 2:03 PM BST

And the prize for the first Jade Goody cancer gag goes to . . .

View original

Oh, very good. Surprised it took you so long to get one out.

Jade Goody has cancer?

There is a god!

Quote: sootyj @ August 19 2008, 2:05 PM BST

Thanks I got muddled by how to divide out all my Bishops.

Were the skits any good Mr Bandage you seem coyer than usual?

View original

The Pyong-gang Glitter sketch was the best of the two. He was Leader of the Gang, not the Pack.

Er, bishops sketch was knockabout fun in search of a punchline.

Jade gag made me laugh, then feel bad. Like sex.

I feel sorry for Gary Glitter. We name a filthy sexual act after him, then complain when he looks himself up on Google.

I sometimes wander if i'm a sketch writer or a wire service.

I wander if one I'll ever be read on BBC News.

And just coming in from the wire services George Bush in invading Georgia, and apparently he's also a complete dick.

Quote: Chris Forshaw @ August 19 2008, 2:14 PM BST

Jade Goody has cancer?

There is a god!

View original

http://entertainment.timesonline.co.uk/tol/arts_and_entertainment/tv_and_radio/article4563345.ece

But seems pretty harsh showing it on TV

She showed her Kebab on TV, turn abouts fairplay.

Well if it's tough justice, I suppose there is an irony in that she went on for more publicity.

Quote: sootyj @ August 19 2008, 2:18 PM BST

I wander if one I'll ever be read on BBC News.

And just coming in from the wire services George Bush in invading Georgia, and apparently he's also a complete dick.

View original

It would actually be great to see sootyj on Newsround.

Quote: Griff @ August 19 2008, 2:28 PM BST

Patients should not be given the news they have cancer in that way, nor should they continue to be filmed in a distressed state once they have been given the news. That is all there is to it.

View original

Read the article she gave her consent, in a strange way that's even more hideous.

Wasn't a big thing in 1984 we'd learn to love Big Brother, and be complicit in our own opression.

http://www.celebrity-babies.com/2007/07/british-star-ja.html

Her miscarriage as God's punishment? I wander if she could be banned from TV, as some one who appears to have some sort of narccistic personality disorder.

It's got some good bits.

But Jade is an especially horrid vision of pure narcissim. She is really is a living nightmare.