Hiya,
Here's quite a new sketch of mine.
It's NOT really one for Newsrevue or Treason.
Instead it would be best suited in a TV sketch show.
SIZE ZERO CATWALK MODEL PREGNANT
by Mikey J
INT. DOCTOR'S SURGERY CONSULTING ROOM. DAY.
A DOCTOR IS SITTING AT HIS DESK. A WOMAN, DRESSED IN A HUGE FUR COAT TOO MANY SIZES TO BIG FOR HER, ENTERS AND SITS DOWN.
DOCTOR:
So, what appears to be the problem?
WOMAN:
Oh, Doctor. I'm a top size zero catwalk model. Trouble is, I've been putting on a lot of weight over the past few months and now I'm too fat to work.
DOCTOR:
Erm… Okay. Stand up for me and take off your coat, so that I can examine you.
THE WOMAN DISCARDS HER COAT, REVEALING THAT SHE IS PREGNANT, ALMOST FULL TERM. THE DOCTOR IS SHOCKED.
WOMAN:
Well, Doctor? Are there any crash diets you could recommend? Preferably one where I can lose half my body weight by tomorrow.
DOCTOR:
I'm afraid dieting won't help you. You're not fat. You're pregnant.
WOMAN:
(SHOCK) What? How did that happen?
DOCTOR:
Well, gynaecology isn't my field of expertise, but I'd hazard a guess that, close to nine months ago, you had unprotected sex.
WOMAN:
Well, yes I did. I only have protected sex with people I don't know. I knew this particular bloke well, so it was fine. Anyway, what's that got to do with anything?
DOCTOR:
Well, you having unprotected sex means that you are now going to have a baby.
WOMAN:
What? Right here and now?
DOCTOR:
I bloody hope not. I flunked medical school and only got work as a G.P. by using forged documents.
WOMAN:
I don't understand it. I'm single. I thought women only had babies when they're in a relationship.
THE WOMAN GETS HER MOBILE OUT AND TAPS IN A PHONE NUMBER.
DOCTOR:
Who on earth are you calling?
WOMAN:
(TO DOCTOR) The Adoption Agency. (INTO PHONE) Ah, hello. I'd like to have my unwanted baby adopted please. You what? When do I want to bring in the baby? (MUFFLES PHONE. TO DOCTOR) When do you reckon it's due?
DOCTOR:
I'd say about two weeks.
WOMAN:
(INTO PHONE) Will two weeks from now be okay? Ah, good. Okay, ‘bye. (HANGS UP PHONE. TO DOCTOR) That's that sorted, but what am I going to do about this huge gut? I've got modelling contracts coming up?
DOCTOR:
There's nothing you can really do until the baby is born.
FX: WOMAN'S PHONE RINGS.
WOMAN:
(INTO PHONE) Hello? Yes. Oh…. Oh, cool… I see… that's great. Ciao. (HANGS UP PHONE. SMILES) Hey, Doc. Great news. Dolce And Gabanna have just brought out a new collection for fat chavs. I'm perfect for it. ‘Bye.
WOMAN HAPPILY LEAVES. DOCTOR IS STUNNED.
END.
