Welcome to the twelfth edition of ‘Meet the Writers.' This week's interviewee is Kim Griffin – a human female.
Without using the words "agonize", "disrobe" or "murdercide" please tell us what it is you do.
Well… I'm a twenty-one year old stand up comedienne and have performed for around a year and a half, regularly around the UK but basing myself at The Stand Comedy Club in Scotland. Credits include acting for C4 radio's The Atrocity Machine, winning the Breakneck Comedy award and working with the Comedy Unit as a sketch writer. I also wrote a comical column weekly in the Kilmarnock Standard for over a year as well as writing as a spoof-agony aunt for The Skinny Magazine.
Still fairly new in the game but I can safely say that I'm in it for good! As much as I love doing stand up, I'm a writer first, last and always. My mother wasn't leaping for joy over that though, let me tell you!
Twenty-one years old. That's great. Bully for you. I've got eleven years on you and you already have ten times my credits. No, really, I couldn't be happier for you. It's wonderful knowing that while I'm starting to look like the Nazi who drank from the wrong Grail cup - nobbing around making cheap YouTube videos for no-one's amusement - you're coming into your prime and knocking out material that sells and wins awards. How super. It doesn't bother me at all that when I was your age I was working in a lighting department in Epping staring wistfully at the sunny outdoors from my flourescent tomb. That's cool. I can't wait to see where you're at come my age. We should hook up and share stories. I'll be the guy heading for fifty who's stood behind the bar blanching peach skins to make your f**king Bellini.
So tell us about that C4 radio show.
It's really not that impressive! I have miles to go before I even find out what a Bellini is!
The Atrocity Machine features comedians and writers such as Colin Edwards, Steven Dick, Innes Smith and Allan Miller. Colin and Innes had seen my stand up in Glasgow and later Colin emailed me to come in to play some parts - I was ecstatic! At this point I hadn't even been going a year and so felt unsure of why I was being asked, the obvious questions swimming "is it because I'm a girl? Is it because they are sleazes out to scrape anything marginally female? I'm not funny enough for this, why am I being asked?" As it turned out, they didn't find me attractive in the slightest which was... a backwards celebration? Ha! Anyway, it was amazing being around such talented people, watching them work and I regret ever doubting their professionalism in me for a second. I was a little intimidated at how confident they were shouting sketches in to the mic, flawlessly funny and making everyone else in the studio double over laughing. I thought, ‘how am I going to pull this off?' I'm a writer trying to be a stand up… and I'm about to play the part of someone's five year old paedophile-addicted son!
The highlight of the experience was when Steven Dick asked me "okay, Kim, now can you just make the sound of a dying African, but in the way that you're having an orgasm at the same time?" I couldn't believe that - I was nervous enough to sweat a puddle and now I was being asked to make some embarrassing noise that I wasn't even sure of. Sure enough I started to cringe madly and made pathetic and orgasmic noises while holding my head in my sweaty, nervous hand and resulted in not only the laughter stopping but created a weird atmosphere in the room as they stared on thinking 'what is she doing?'
Looking back on it now I still cringe a little, but I learned that it was purely a confidence issue, take me in that studio now and I'll give Meg Ryan a run for her money. It's all about leaving pride at the door!
I left my pride at the door once and when I went back to get it I found a couple of feral spaniels tearing into it. I wrestled it off them, but it hasn't been the same since.
Let's all marinade in your splendour once more. You mentioned a Breakneck Comedy Award…
The Breakneck Comedy Competition is held in Aberdeen. It's a stand up comedy contest consisting of a heat and a final. The only thing they didn't tell me was that both were on the same night. I was so pleased to get through to the final that I got fairly drunk during the break and then realised I would not only be back on stage telling different material in front of the same audience but that I would be doing it out of my face! The first thing I said on stage was the thing I promised I wouldn't say ' I thought I was done! I thought I was done and now I'm hammered!' I forgot a lot of my material but managed to pull through by bantering with an equally drunk gay man in the front row between jokes.
I threw up on the motorway on the way home and snuck into my Gran's house, made a sandwich, threw it up and went to bed. Showbiz baby!
Name me one comic that hasn't gotten falling down drunk in the line of duty and I'll smack you in the mouth. Because I've had a few jars.
What sort of stuff have you written for the Comedy Unit? Anything we might have seen/heard?
Nothing! I'm a massive nobody!
My sketches that have been used have been put into their live nights. An actor of their current Fringe show, Angry Puppy, told me that my sketches were in the pile, but I'll need to go and see the show myself or make an email to confirm it!
As far as writing goes, I'm still trying to get my foot in the door. It's a big ladder to climb and I'm only wee at this stage. I'm just glad that my stuff is being used at all! I'm currently writing a sitcom - first draft of the pilot is actually in the critique. I'll upload a redrafted version soon (thank you to all those offered feedback!) for more ripping and tearing.
Talking of ripping and tearing, what's the largest animal you've ever killed?
My leg hair.
Thank you, Kim.
Last week's ‘Meet the Writers' was with James Harris
