A MAN IS BEING INTERVIEWED BY A POLICE MAN BY HIS CAR, WHICH HAS JUST KNCOKED A BIN OVER.
POLICEMAN
Excuse me sir have you been drinking.
MAN(SLURRING)
No offisher, I'm as sober as a budge.
POLICEMAN
You were driving at 70 mph, swerving, in reverse.
MAN
But I'm not pissed, 'scuse me.
TAKES OFF POLICEMAN'S HELMET AND THROWS UP IN IT.
POLICEMAN
Right that's it you're under arrest, how on earth do you expect to convince me your sober?
MAN PULLS OUT A GLASS BOX WITH A NEWT IN IT.
MAN
'Cos this is my newt. Hello Ken, pretty boy, not mayor any more are you. He's sob and therefore I'm as unpissed as a newt
POLICE MAN BEATS MAN SAVAGELY WITH HIS TRUNCHEON.
VO
Warning colloquialisms are not literally true. This advert provided by HM gouvernment department for the bleeding obvious.
MAN WALKING UP A HILL, IT'S A LONG HARD JOUNREY. HE STOPS AND CATCHES HIS BREATH, BY THE TIME HE REACHES THE TOP IT IS NIGHT. THERE IS A SMALL GARDEN AND A MAN MOWING THE GRASS.
MAN
Is this your garden?
GARDENER
Yes.
MAN
Is it on a hill?
GARDENER
Yes
MAN
Then you are the uphill gardener?
GARDENER
Yes.
MAN
Fancy having sex?
THE GARDENER THUMPS HIM HE FALLS ALL THE WAY DOWN THE HILL.
VO
Warning colloquialisms are not literally true. This advert provided by HM gouvernment department for the bleeding obvious.