Peaches Geldof sketch

PEACHES AND BOB ARE TALKING TO EACH OTHER.

BOB

I can't fookin' believe my fookin't believe my fookin' little angel has just got married. To some one she fookin' just met.

PEACHES

Oh daddy you make it sound so sleazy, I also f**ked him whilst drunk. Anyway me and, and.....thingy who f**ked me, got you a present. Something mummy always wanted you to have.

HANDS BOB A BAG.

BOB
It's a razor, deoderant, and some fookin industrial dog shampoo. I got you a present, it was your fookin mums, every one thinKs you should fookin have it.

HANDS HER A BAG.

PEACHES

A syringe with a lethal dose of heroin!

CHARLES COMES ON STAGE WITH TWO VEGETABLES AND TALKS TO GORDON BROWN.

CHARLES.

Prime Minister I think it's important you realise how dangerous GM crops are.

GORDON

How so your highness?

CHARLES

Well the GM crops at night sneak into fields of organic crops and when no ones looking beat them up and call them names.

GORDON

Who told you this interesting tale?

CHARLES

They did, come on Brian, come on Arthur.

WAVES PLANTS AT GORDON

GORDON

Thank you, you're highness it's good to know I'm not the most deluded twat in the country.

GORDON WALKS OFF CHARLES PUTS PLANTS ON THE STAGE

CHARLES CHASES AFTER HIM

CHARLES

Wait I can explain,

VO (ONE PLANT)

Thank God he's gone what an over prvilleged twat, no wander Diana shagged Hewitt.

Sooty, if someone pureed your heart it wouldn't coat one side of a Ryvita.

Comedy and goodness are diametrically oposed.

At least change the bag of drugs to flask of weed killer or something. No-one gives away heroin, for f**ksake.

He's a dad he's being sentimental.

He's also enormously rich, he could afford to give her a solid gold syringe.

You don't actually like the dim bulb, TV virus?

A dim bulb is better than darkness. That's wanking, to anyone who can't follow an extended metaphor.

Ooh.

What it's written when she was alive so that's satire, I've got a worse one.
Comedy is violence redirected.

Quote: sootyj @ 8th April 2014, 10:20 PM BST

Comedy is violence redirected.

View original

And diametrically opposed to goodness?!

Goodness is diametrically opposed to comedy.

An interesting thumbnail of my earlier, less-jaded online self.

Sooty is the new Frankie Boyle.
Incidentally, sooty, your second sketch needs to be updated a wee bit, to reflect the new Prime Minister. Perhaps you were so busy writing you hadn't noticed.

perhaps you were too busy reading to note this skit is 6 years old, back before my edge was dulled.

Edge dulled? Never!