TV Engineer

A bit of silliness/nonsense/tosh:
TV ENGINEER

SCENE. EXT. LOCATION #1 (FRONT PORCH) / INT. LOCATION
#2 (HALLWAY) / INT. LOCATION #3 (LOUNGE)

LOCATION #1

A BLOKE DRESSED IN A BOILER SUIT AND BASEBALL CAP CARRYING A
PLUMBERS BAG RINGS THE DOOR BELL.

LOCATION #2

MARTIN APPROACHES DOOR AND OPENS IT. BLOKE PUTS A FOOT ON THE THRESHOLD.

BLOKE (Confident voice)

Come to fix yer telly, mate.

MARTIN

Oh, good. (Thinks: I didn't know there was anything wrong with the telly). Sorry…who called you to come?

BLOKE

Oh, you know…

MARTIN

(Thinks: That bastard, he's broken my telly and not said anything and he expects me to pay to get it repaired) It was Leslie I suppose?

BLOKE

Er…Yeah, Lesley, she rang me this morning.

NOW MORE CONFUSED, MARTIN LOOKS AT THE ENGINEER MORE CLOSELY.
HIS SUSPICION IS AROUSED.

MARTIN(wave of panic swweps over him)

(Thinks: Oh no, he's a burglar and he's going to hurt me if I don't let him in but then when I do he'll hurt me anyway!) Hang on!

LOCATION #3

MARTIN CLOSES THE DOOR ON TO THE BLOKES' FOOT AND SWIFTLY GOES
INTO THE LOUNGE. FROM BEHIND THE DOOR HE BEGINS ‘WOOFING' SOMEWHAT
UNCONVINCINGLY. HOWEVER, ON HEARING THIS THE ‘ENGINEER' DOES A
RUNNER, LEAVING MARTIN NOW CROUCHING MAKING AS LOUD A NOISE AS
POSSIBLE WHILST STARING AT THE DOOR. THEN THE LOUNGE DOOR SWINGS
OPEN AND AS IT DOES MARTIN CEASES WOOFING AND BEGINS COWERING AND
WHIMPERING. LESLIE IS NOW STANDING IN THE DOORWAY.

LESLIE

Martin, the front door is wide open and you're in here like this. I always knew you were barking f**king mad!

END

It's a good idea, but your actor directions are horrible in my view.

It's a very funny skit, and the idea of a guy being so scared of burglars he pretends to be a dog, and then acts like 1 when confronted.

That's great. Just put it up like that and people will get it.

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2008, 4:46 PM BST

It's a good idea, but your actor directions are horrible in my view.

It's a very funny skit, and the idea of a guy being so scared of burglars he pretends to be a dog, and then acts like 1 when confronted.

That's great. Just put it up like that and people will get it.

View original

Cheers mate (I think! ).

But can you expand on "but your actor directions are horrible in my view" please?

Basically all the bits where you in brackets say what you think the character is thinking.

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2008, 4:57 PM BST

Basically all the bits where you in brackets say what you think the character is thinking.

View original

Oh, okay.

So how should it be written?

Don't worry the script is clear enough not to need it.

I found it funny - after I worked it out!

E.G. You need to let us know immediately that Leslie is male, so that when Bloke says 'Er…Yeah, Lesley, SHE rang me this morning.' , we actually know WHY Martin's suspicions are aroused. I originally thought you spelt 'Lesley/Leslie incorrectly.

As far as directions; I assume we hear Martins thoughts, which is a nice touch - therefore I would use OOV - Out Of Vision.
__________________________________________________________________________________

MARTIN: Oh, good. (OOV) I didn't know there was anything wrong with it! (TO BLOKE) Sorry…who called you?
__________________________________________________________________________________

sootyj,
mate I know you're being very kind and generous with your comments and very much appreciated however I really don't get what you mean!

The brackets are there to highlight the thoughts and to differentiate from the speech, which I see as a requirement. So how would you suggest it is done to give the same effect? Your advice is very welcome.

Well Morrace offers an interesting idea of having the thoughts in VO which could work.

But otherwise if you're writing is strong and distinctive enough you shouldn't need to offer descriptions of how people speak, or what they're speaking.

Unless you're giving yourself some VO which is a diferent matter.

Quote: Morrace @ August 9 2008, 6:19 PM BST

I found it funny - after I worked it out!

E.G. You need to let us know immediately that Leslie is male, so that when Bloke says 'Er…Yeah, Lesley, SHE rang me this morning.' , we actually know WHY Martin's suspicions are aroused. I originally thought you spelt 'Lesley/Leslie incorrectly.

As far as directions; I assume we hear Martins thoughts, which is a nice touch - therefore I would use OOV - Out Of Vision.
__________________________________________________________________________________

MARTIN: Oh, good. (OOV) I didn't know there was anything wrong with it! (TO BLOKE) Sorry…who called you?
__________________________________________________________________________________

View original

Hi Morrace, yep they are thoughts hence the brackets. Didn't think OOV was appropriate but didn't know another way to show it other than brackets.
As for the gender of Leslie I did show him as male thus;

"MARTIN

(Thinks: That bastard, he's broken my telly and not said anything and he expects me to pay to get it repaired) It was Leslie I suppose?".

Obviously not obvious enough!

Cheers.

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2008, 6:31 PM BST

Well Morrace offers an interesting idea of having the thoughts in VO which could work.

But otherwise if you're writing is strong and distinctive enough you shouldn't need to offer descriptions of how people speak, or what they're speaking.

Unless you're giving yourself some VO which is a diferent matter.

View original

Hi again sootyj

I refer you to my response to Morrace re the THOUGHTS in brackets. Maybe a misunderstanding on your part due to the inferior quality of the work

Cheers.

Oh I'd just write it as a separate line.

e.g. GARYD

Sootyj is an awkward git.

GARYD VO

What's for tea?

Quote: sootyj @ August 9 2008, 10:42 PM BST

Oh I'd just write it as a separate line.

e.g. GARYD

Sootyj is an awkward git.

GARYD VO

What's for tea?

View original

Oh, right, I see what you mean now however to me that seems more of an aside rather than the person thinking. Maybe I should create a thread asking opinion.

Cheers, mate.