Long skit.

Edit 5!

A FUNDAMENTALIST IS ADRESSING A BUNCH OF OTHER FUNDAMENTALISTS.

FUN1

Tomorrow is our suicide attack, then 72 virgins in heaven.

FUN2

How do we know we get 72 virgins in heaven?

FUN1

You just do, now the attack...

FUN2

But it's not in writing. It could be 70, or 17 virgins, or they might not even be Virgins.

FUN1

Take it on faith.

FUN2

That's bloody typical management. We put in our hard labour, die horribly, and then it's ooh you didn't have a written contract.

FUN3

Well said Brother.

FUN1

Why don't you f**k off and join a union.

FUN2

Funny you should say that.

FUN3

Martydom belts cause back pain, beheading infidels causes RSI.

FUN2

The safety catch on my Kalashnikov is broken. It's a health and safety nightmare.

FUN1

You are noble warriors of faith. You're only union should be with the divine.

FUN2

Hamas have got a great union, they get paid in Euros.

FUN3

Cor they must be earning at least 25% more in real terms. Didn't the PLO get luncheon vouchers?

FUN2

Yes until the Mossad opened a felafel bar.

FUN1

Stop bloody talking about unions. You can't have one, your going to martyr yourself tomorrow and that's that.

FUN2

That's it were on strike.

FUN1

You're worse than Unison.

FUN3

No decapitation with out representation!

FUN1

Right that's it your all fired. I'm going to call Rowan Williams.

Optional punchline

FUN3

No decapitation without representation!

FUN1

Ok I'll discuss your demands we'll goto ACAS.

FUN2

About bloody time.

FUN1

After the mission

Not sure about that mate. It didn't make me laugh although the dialogue was ok. Dunno, just dunno.

I suspect the punchline is to split, and it's over wordy I'm gonna do some word knocking.

I like the idea and I think the final punchline is fine, but, yes, it needs a bit of trimming. I think it is just a case of losing unnecessary/weak lines, and then maybe doing a bit of rejigging and sharpening.

I liked it.
It was very Monty Python-esque.

I could envisage Cleese and Idle being #2 and #3, with #1 being Chapman.

It's funny. I especially liked 'Yes, until the Mossad opened a felafel bar.' and (coming fron a suicide bomber!) - 'It's a health and safety nightmare.'.

However, I was left wanting. I feel there's a lot more gags to be had from the 'Suicide Bomber' scenario - e.g. "If you go on strike, you'll be barred from The Annual Suicide Bombers' Reunion.".

Oh - and a nice kickarse punchline would round it off (for me!).

Yuh see what you mean, the lack of a killer punchline is a nuisance and something to work on.

I'd lose the obvious reference points - like the 72 virgins - that's been played out. The less obvious lines are good, like the Mossad/felafel bar line that Morrace mentions.

I've read it again, it has great potential like almost all your stuff.

I thought this was actually proper funny. I agree with the comments about a stronger punchline, but it reminded me of the Million Pound Radio Show sketch about the pirates' training day.

After the line:

FUN2
What if I get depressed and want to kill myself anyway?

What about lose the next line you have and replace it with:

FUN3
Blackleg!

Not a punchline as such but might lead your mind to one?

After, 'Blackleg!' if t'were my skit (and as I'm not into topical gags) I'd have the whole gang lift up their robes and look at each others legs. Then they'd all tuck their robes into their underpants and link arms and do leg kicks like The Tiller Girls on Sunday Night at The London Palladium. (..it was a TV show when telly's were still monochrome).

I know that may be reminiscent of 'Iraqui dance party' off YouTube but nevertheless that's what I'd do.

I'll go and put the kettle on then...

Have you always been an idiot?

That's rhetorical by the way.

I hope you are joking, man!

Thank God because I like your stuff.

It's just that another BSG'er pursued me for a while accusing me of racism, and he seemed to be serious.

Yes, if anything Griff LIKES racists.

I'm not a racist, some of my best friends are racists.

We have hijacked Sooty's thread. It wasn't my intention Sooty. Apologies.