JAMES BOND IS TALKING TO M
JAMES
So the evil Russian terroris Totalya Bastardski is defeated, time for tea and medals.
MONEYPENNY BRINGS IN TEAS
JAMES
Moneypenny looking lovely as ever, fancy making some change with me later?
MONEYPENNY PULLS OUT A DICTAPHONE
Made remark about my looks and a lewd suggestive remark.
JAMES
M whats going on?
M
It's your latest appraisal James. You score highly effective in defeating evil and in killing. But you score an underperforming in cultural sensitivity.
JAMES
What on earth this is madness.
M
Look at these complaints; drowned French agent in a resevoir saying "au resevoir," shoved grenade up a German agents anus saying "achtung pants 'er down," and as for the Spanish agent you shot 50 times "ole!" is not acceptable.
JAMES
These were enemy agents I was defending the crown.
M
No one's questioning your ability to kill, only your ability to do it in a culturally sensitive manner. And you're a serial sexually harraser.
JAMES
What?
M
James just because a woman is called Laika Shag, Mucha Pussy, or Dumi Anal, doesn't make harrassing her ok.
JAMES
What is the secret service coming to?
Q COMES IN.
Q
Aah James here's your new pistol.
HANDS JAMES A PISTOL THAT LOOKS VERY HI-TECH.
Q
It's a Regretta' press one of these buttons before shooting your victim to apologise in the correct language. These ones here are for funeral prayers afterwards; Hindu, Mormon, Jewish.
JAMES
Wouldn't I just Jew them away.
M
Right your suspended till you've done cultural sensitivity training. It's licence to kill in a culturally sensitive manner now.
JAMES
Thunder balls
