3 swift topicals

1

BROWN IS TALKING TO SOME ONE OFF STAGE.

BROWN
All these UFOs spotted in Wales, you'd think aliens were coming to replace me.

MILLIBAND SNEAKS ON AND GRABS BROWN ROUND THE HEAD.

MILLIBAND
Soon the Silly-blands will rule the labour party. No one will be able to resist our bland directionless polices, we will rule the country....

DAVE CAMERON WALKS ON

DAVE
For about 2 years then it's our turn. We're 10 times as evil as you Willy-gland.

2

AN ASIAN DR IS TREATING PHIL THE GREEK

PHIL
So Dr Brown (BEAT) Face, how's me test results, didn't get any curry in me urine tests didja?

DR
It's prostate cancer your highness, looks I'll have to fit you with a catheter.

PHIL
A catheter?

DR
Yes I'll be taking the piss now,

3

A MAN[MAN1] IS SITTING IN A CHAIR LOOKING LIKE HE'S DRVING A TAXI WITH, A MAN[MAN2] SITTING BEHIND HIM,

MAN1
You know who I had in the back of my cab last week, Osama Bloody Bin Laden.

MAN2
I know that's why were torturing you.

GARROTES MAN 1.

No. 2 is very good, nice punch as well

Thanks it's 3 though that I love it's only 2 lines.

plus I think Willy-gland maybe what I start cslling Dave.

Not up to the usual sooty standard - all a bit obvious. But no 2 is my favourite also.

Treason was aksing for last minute ultra shorts, which is why I guess they seem so curt.

I'm disapointing you today.

Alas even Alexander the Great couldn't invade Macedonia every day.

Actually, my favourite was three.

Hmmm, I'm going to change my mind and go for three also. It's good.

I like it because in 2 lines it completely chnages the situation.

These short ones do usually end up a little sub par.

At least it's not musical!

I like two now, instead.

Damn. I was hoping this thread was going to help me with my rashes.

Well I was working on 3 big suppositories, you can shove them up.....

I'm still not keen on 1 if that helps.

That was based on a request to writers, it is pretty lame isn't it.

I do like Willy-gland though. As a gag, not a lifestyle choice.