OfCon

This is based on the new Trading Standards initiative for dealing with occultist 'professions' and the like. Hopeful applicants have to prove themselves to a tired OfCon inspector.

Inspector
Ok, you are Margaret Plum…

Margaret
It's Margherita Plume.

Inspector
Okayee, and you're applying for a license to be a practising psychic.

Marge
That's correct.

Inspector
Well what I want you to do is to use your, ahem, powers to tell me what object is on my side of this partition on the table. Here's the first object.

Margherita goes into a deep trance like concentration, lightly moaning and speaking in tongues. She emerges and confidently states:

Marge
It's an apple.

Inspector
Ermm no sorry Ms Plume (reveals object) it is in fact a vibrator.

Marge
Oh… I, err.

Inspector
Never mind let's try another. Here goes.

Margerita goes into her trance state, emerges and guesses:

Marge
Ermm is it nipple clamps?

Inspector
I beg your pardon! Heavens no. My what an imagination you have. No it's just a pear. Ok look last one now. Remember, three strikes and you're out, ok here goes.

Marge goes into deep trance, emerges and guesses:

Margerita
A banana?

Inspector
(smiles) Are you asking or telling me?

Margerita
(confident) It's a banana.

Inspector
Sure? Final answer?

Margerita
Yesss!

Inspector
I'm sorry it is in fact a book, entitled ‘Shameless Shysters'. It's about tricksters who string along gullible and emotionally vulnerable people in order to relieve them of their hard earned cash.

Margerita
….Oh….Erm could I have it?

Inspector
No.

Margerita
(points to vibrator) How about that?

Inspector
Get out.

This is part1 of a series that takes in mediums, faith healers, ghost hunters, etc,etc. I'd really like to make a sitcom character out of the inspector but i'm not sure how to stretch the idea down that road so i'd appreciate any ideas. Thanks.

I can see where it's going but there's a certain something missing.

You miss I think how mediums defraud people.

1 Vague answers, I'm seeing a person might be in a hat.
2 Questions built into answers, e.g. I'm seeing a man, it's a man you want to see? No, It's a woman.
3 And wheel barrows full of mystic bull shit.
4 Or jsut plain old hiring actors to fill in for some roles.

You might have more fun, if you really play up how they work

Good title work it into the story some how.

also it might be fun to see OFcon inteviewing people who do real jobs.

You're a butcher, and you jsut magic the pigs into sausages?

Yeah i've got that sort of stuff with my medium character but that's a great idea about normal tradesmen in famously dodgy areas. I genuinely hadn't considered incorporating it in. That'll definitely give me more mileage, cheers!