Quote: sootyj @ August 3 2008, 1:29 AM BSTHow did I miss that, it's genius.
Were you making a Tron outfit?
Terrible, I mean REALLY terrible, jokes Page 3
More ambitious project.
Quote: sootyj @ August 3 2008, 1:33 AM BSTMore ambitious project.
It looks like that woman behind has a pussy stuck to her face. Excellent!
Really terrible, ok then.
Police station toilet stolen. Cops have nothing to go on.
Whats the difference between Delia Smith and a rural jog?
Ones a pant in the country and...
The first day at the London sperm bank was pretty unsuccessful. Only
two men made appointments. One came on the bus and the other missed
the tube.
A man approaches a lady in a bar and whispers in her ear, "I'd love to
fill your fanny with Guinness and then drink it all." The woman runs
off to her husband in disgust and tells him what has just happened.
"Aren't you going to sort him out then?" she asks.
"Nah, any man who can drink 25 pints is alright in my book."
Q. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A. Wiped his arse.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep singing 'The Green Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual..."
"Doctor, doctor, I can't pronounce my Fs, Ts, and Hs."
"Well, you can't say fairer than that then, can you?"
Quote: Nil Putters @ August 3 2008, 1:21 AM BSTCanada on strike. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=YW6Lm9boMYk
The 'real' footage wasn't in the episode.
hahaha That 'Star Wars Kid' still cracks me up.
That's ace
And on Nigel's cue:
What's the difference between a nun praying, and a nun in the bath?
One's got hope in her soul...
What's pink and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool?
A baby with slashed armbands.
What's green and orange at the bottom of a swimming pool?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
How do you shock a priest?
Hit him in the balls with a cattle prod.
My dogs got no nose.
It came off when I decapitated it, so it smells pretty awful now.
I understand Fern Britten and Hannibal Lecter have split up.
He bit off more than he could chew.
Q: What does DNA stand for?
A: National Dyslexic Association.
How about some announced arrivals at a ball? For instance;
Mr & Mrs Wall-Carpeting, with their son, Walter.
A woman's driving along a road and gets a phone call. It's her boss telling her that she's getting a pay rise. She swerves and almost hits the pavement.
She continues driving and then gets another phone call from her boss again, telling her that he's leaving and she's getting his job. She swerves again and this time narrowly misses a pedestrian.
She carries on with her journey and then gets another call, this time from the CEO of the company, telling her that they want her to join the board. This is too much for her and she accidentally yanks the steering wheel hard left and crashes into a tree.
A policeman comes up to see if she is alright and asks her what happened.
"Well," she says, "I careered off the road."
Quote: Winterlight @ August 3 2008, 12:58 AM BSTNo! Enough of the puns already! Marc P is the king of puns!
Pun my word sir!
Quote: Nil Putters @ August 3 2008, 1:21 AM BSTCanada on strike. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=YW6Lm9boMYk
The 'real' footage wasn't in the episode.
hahaha That 'Star Wars Kid' still cracks me up.
A few txt jokes I've been sent;
A white husband is waiting in the delivery room. The Midwife hands him a black baby, "Is this yours?" she asks. '"Probably," he replied "she f**king burns everything".
Q: What makes 9 out of 10 people happy?
A: Gang rape.
Little Red Riding Hood's skipping down the road when she sees the big bad wolf hiding behind a log. "Oh, what big eyes you have" she says, and the wolf runs off.
Later she sees him hiding behind a tree. "Oh, what big ears you have"she says, and again the wolf runs off.
Later she sees him hiding behind a road sign. "Oh, what big teeth you have". The wolf jumps out from behind the sign and says "Would you f**k off, I'm trying to have a shit!".
What blocks the toilets on the starship Enterprise?
The captain's log.
Which is odd cos he's got such problems with
Klingons.