3 short topical skits

MILLIBAND 1

DAVID MILLIBAND AND VARIOUS OTHER MPs ARE SITTING ON THE GROUND IN CHAINS.
DAVID
Ok so my plucky revolution against the evil Cesar Gordon Brown failed. But if we stick together we can survive.
GORDON WALKS ON DRESSED AS CESAR.
GORDON
Which one of you slaves is the rebel leader Milliband?
DAVID
I'm David Milliband
SILENCE, HE DESPERATELY GESTURES AT THE OTHER MPs
DAVID
Guys please.
MP1
He's David Milliband.
MP2
And so's his brother.

MILLIBAND2
A JOURNALIST IS ON THE PHONE.
JOURNALIST

Hello is that David Milliband this is the Guardian bit of an embarrassing mistake. We've got two articles we don't know who wrote, one of them is yours.
PAUSE
Is it I was Bernard Manning's secret gay lover?

Or was it a polemic on how you could lead the Labour party ?
PAUSE
Yes I can see how that would be embarrassing.
PAUSE
Ok you sure. No I understand who'd want people thinking they were stupid enough to run the Labour party.

ARMs

A GERMAN FARMER IS BEING INTERVIEWED.

INTERVIEWER
Herr Farmer Piles, you are the recipient of the world's first double arm transplant, how's it working out?

PILES
It is good except, one arm came from a Nazi war criminal that died in hiding. The other arm is from an anti fascist who died in a riot.

INTERVIEWER
So what?

PILES
Sieg Heil

MAKES A NAZI SALUTE WITH ONE ARM THEN PUNCHES HIMSELF IN THE GROIN WITH THE OTHER.

PILES
Ooh that's what.

Of the three I much prefer the first one. The punchline makes no sense but somehow is still funny.

The second is meh, and the third is a bit too Dr.Strangelove

Thanks

I think the first one works abit cos it's got a bit of Spartacus and a bit of Brian in it.

Yeah, i really liked the first one. I would have ended it:

MP1
He's David Milliband.
MP2
Yes, burn him!

But that is probably because I like seeing people burn in comedy. Especially Miliband.

Is David Milliband's brother also called David? If he is, it works. I liked the second best, not sure about the third - a bit obvious?

ANOTHER COUPLE OF TOPICAL SKITS

BARRY GEORGE IS TALKING TO A CHANNEL 4 EXECUTIVE

BARRY

I didn't kill Jill Dando. I just like obsessively stalking border line boilers who are on the TV, whilst heavily armed. And I think I'm an SAS Ninja.

EXECUTIVE

We believe you Barry, we just want to offer you a job.

BARRY

Really?

EXECUTIVE

Yes copresenting Countdown.

BARRY

Me and Carol Vorderman?

EXECUTIVE

And a gun, no one f**ks with Channel 4.

This next one is dead obvious.

GORDON BROWN IS STANDING WITH 2 OF HIS COLLEAGUES BEHIND HIM, HE IS TALKING TO DAVID MILLIBAND.

DAVID

Gordon I'm sorry but it's time for you to go.

GORDON

Nonsense I've got the whole party behind me.

AS HE TURNS AWAY WE CAN SEE HE HAS A BUNCH OF KNIVES IN HIS BACK, OR MAYBE A POSTER SAYING
"Kick me I'm a loser,"

Think it should definitely be the poster for the second skit. I like them both but especially the first one.

Yes it's a much easier special effect.

Barry George one is funny. Not sure it is usable though.

Legal issues?

I think the place I'm sending it hasn't been sued to date.

Hmm Barry George slayer of borderline boilers?

Now that is dark.

Arms is in Treason Show currently

I think Milliband as Spartacus was better.