British Comedy Guide

Under the weather

An office.
A worker (Colin) comes in, sneezing. He looks a little ill. His nose is red and his eyes are runny. He sits at his desk and it becomes apparent that he is wearing enormous comedy shoes. Stephen notices this.

Stephen
Erm, Colin.

Colin
Yes?

Stephen
Your shoes look a little big.

Colin
My what?

Stephen
Your shoes. Bit on the big side.

Colin looks down. Sudden realisation of his shoes.

Colin
Oh, are they?

Colin sneezes again. He blows his nose. Suddenly he is wearing a red nose.

Stephen
What's up with your nose?

Colin.
Nothing...

Colin goes to open his desk drawer, it explodes open with streamers making a very loud noise. Stephen looks at him.

Stephen
Everything alright, Colin?

Colin
Yes. Fine.

Colin picks up his pen to write. Ink squirts in his face. He rubs his eyes. Stephen looks on, shocked.

Colin.
Look, Stephen. It's not what you think.

Colin gets up from his desk and his pants fall down. He hurriedly pulls them up.

Colin
Actually, I think I might have to go home early. It looks like I'm becoming a Clown.

Stephen nods silently and slowly pulls his chair further away from Colin. Colin holds up his trousers with one hand and stomps towards the door, his shoes squeaking with every step. He gets to the hat stand.

Colin
I'm sorry, Stephen. I'll ring you later, see how I feel.

Stephen (still in shock)
Not a problem.

Colin puts on his hat, which is a bowler hat with a bright orange wig attached to it. He now looks completely like a Clown. Hat, wig, nose, trousers, comedy shoes. He trips as he walks out the door, falling down the stairs. The door falls off his hinges, causing the hat stand to collapse.

Stephen looks on as the sides fall off Colin's desk and his computer explodes in a puff of smoke.

A beat.

Stephen sneezes.

He blows his nose in the mirror and sees that he has full face of Clown make-up. He looks over his shoulder to see an elephant blowing water from his trunk.

Cue clown music.

Da da da da da dah duuuuuuh duuuuuuuh.

END.

It's good and well presented, but no punchline means it jsut fades out, and I'm not sure the characters are strong enough for that.

Well, its fairly fresh from the typewriter (so to speak). I was going more for visuals.

Its two dull men in a dull office and one of them is becoming a clown.

And its got a elephant in it.

:D

The guy turning into a clown is funny, but it needs a pay off. Preferably one not involving an elephant if you ever want to see it filmed...

Quote: Jon Cockroft @ July 30 2008, 2:21 PM BST

Well, its fairly fresh from the typewriter (so to speak). I was going more for visuals.

Its two dull men in a dull office and one of them is becoming a clown.

And its got a elephant in it.

:D

This pitch made me laugh, but the sketch didn't. Hum, maybe you need to ramp up the dullness beforehand so the viewer gets the contrast...not sure!

It's a funny idea. Might work better if it starts with the two of them already working, with Colin sniffing and blowing his nose and the clown nose as the first "symptom". Each time you cut back to him he could be getting more clowny.

If you make more of Stephen telling him he maybe ought to go home, and Colin protesting that he's fine even as everything gets more extreme (streamers, ink etc), you could have him finally get up to leave, reveal the big shoes, and have the desk fall apart.

A punchline might be the boss coming in to ask Stephen something, and a reveal of Stephen in full clown make up, unaware that he's caught it till he sees the boss's reaction.

Blah blah blah alternative approaches blah.

Maybe the boss is a mime and fires him cos he's prejudiced against clwons?

Quote: Mike Greybloke @ August 2 2008, 1:43 PM BST

It's a funny idea. Might work better if it starts with the two of them already working, with Colin sniffing and blowing his nose and the clown nose as the first "symptom". Each time you cut back to him he could be getting more clowny.

If you make more of Stephen telling him he maybe ought to go home, and Colin protesting that he's fine even as everything gets more extreme (streamers, ink etc), you could have him finally get up to leave, reveal the big shoes, and have the desk fall apart.

A punchline might be the boss coming in to ask Stephen something, and a reveal of Stephen in full clown make up, unaware that he's caught it till he sees the boss's reaction.

Blah blah blah alternative approaches blah.

Yeah, that makes sense.

The ending definately needs more punch.

Good comments, thanks everyone.

You could start with two ordinary office workers & one of them says
STEPHEN: " Colin, you've got the figures for the anual report wrong yet again! You are a Clown!"

then the other things start happenning.

Or:

Quote: billwill @ August 3 2008, 2:05 PM BST

STEPHEN: " Colin, you've made smileys out of all the Os in the anual report yet again! You are a Clown!"

I liked the sketch and it made me laugh

Yeah i like this too. I'm a big fan of the absurd played straight a la big train. Could always lose the elephant in favour of a...ahem, sealion with beachball - only half as problematic but they make a funnier sound Errr

Its funny, I had Big Train in mind when I wrote it.

My friend suggested ended it on Stephen getting a custard pie in his face (from somewhere off camera), as his tie starts to spin round...

Quote: Jon Cockroft @ August 3 2008, 9:02 PM BST

My friend suggested ended it on Stephen getting a custard pie in his face (from somewhere off camera), as his tie starts to spin round...

There's a pie chart joke in there, too.

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