GORDON BROWN THE COPYCAT
by Mikey J
INT. DAVID CAMERON'S PLACE. DAY.
DAVID CAMERON AND WILLIAM HAGUE ARE SITTING IN CHAIRS, READING NEWSPAPERS.
DAVID CAMERON:
I say, Hague. This is getting bloody ridiculous.
WILLIAM HAGUE:
What is, David? Our chances of winning the next election?
DAVID CAMERON:
No, you idiot. Bloody Gordon Brown. It says here that he's going to be clamping down on people claiming benefit, and get most of them back to work.
WILLIAM HAGUE:
Sounds good to me, David.
DAVID CAMERON:
For f**k sake! Can't you see? That was our policy! We pledged that we'd do that if we got in office, and now he's gone and bloody nicked it! Bastard!
WILLIAM HAGUE:
Yes, but be fair, David. We did originally steal that one from the Lib Dems.
DAVID CAMERON:
I don't give a f**k! It was our policy when Brown nicked it. Bloody Brown nicks all our good stuff.
WILLIAM HAGUE:
When we think up the next good policy, why don't we just keep quiet about it? That way, he won't know about it.
DAVID CAMERON:
But nor will the public. They'll think we haven't got any decent policies and won't vote for us.
WILLIAM HAGUE:
But we haven't got any decent policies.
DAVID CAMERON:
No, not now, because Brown keeps f**king nicking them!
WILLIAM SPOTS SOMETHING IN THE NEWSPAPER.
WILLIAM HAGUE:
Oh, David. There's a headline about Brown in this paper. It says here that he now travels to work every day on a bicycle. There's a picture of him here too. Look.
DAVID GRABS THE NEWSPAPER.
DAVID CAMERON:
Let me see it, let me see it! (SHOCKED) What a bastard! He's copying me again by pretending to be green and… hey! Wait a minute! Bastard! That's my bike! That's my f**king bike!
WILLIAM HAGUE:
Surely, you're joking.
DAVID CAMERON:
Hague! Do I look as if I'm going to bloody tell you about a f**king Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman?
WILLIAM HAGUE:
No, David.
DAVID CAMERON:
Well, then. Shut up, you bald tosser. (THEN SIGHS) Is there nothing that Brown won't copy off us?
A NEWSREADER THEN APPEARS ON THE TV SCREEN. DAVID AND WILLIAM WATCH.
FEMALE NEWSREADER:
And news just in. Gordon Brown has now changed the name of his political party. It is now called New Conservatives.
DAVID CAMERON AND WILLIAM HAGUE:
Oh, what a c*nt!
END.
