Porn

CAROL VORDERMAN IS DOING AN ADVERT

CAROL

Have you noticed how certain bills take priority?

And an unexpected can really make a mess of your finances? And force you to do shameful things|?

A FILM DIRECTOR WORKS ON WITH JEREMY KYLE.

FILM

Right that's quite enough of that Carol clothes off. Scene 1 Carol does it Vorderman she owes money too.

JEREMY

Hi today on the Jeremy Kyle show. How losing your job as an aging wank target/ calculator can lead to you having to do celebrity porn to pay the bills.

FILM

Pants off Kyle.

JEREMY

And how wasting thousands on the ponies, forces shouty TV presenters, to costar.

DIRECTOR

And remember condoms please. No one wants to see you two multiply.

What?!

Needs work.

Dan

What should I change?

I ws thinking about making it about just Vorderman.

[quote name="sootyj" post="218553" date="July 28 2008, 10:55 AM BST"]CAROL VORDERMAN IS DOING AN ADVERT

CAROL

Have you noticed how certain bills take priority?

And an unexpected can really make a mess of your finances? And force you to do shameful things|?

A FILM DIRECTOR WORKS ON WITH JEREMY KYLE.

FILM

Right that's quite enough of that Carol clothes off. Scene 1 Carol does it Vorderman she owes money too.

CAROL

Maybe I could jsut get a Firstplus loan?

FILM

They're bigger crooks than me 27% APR even the Mafia doesn't charge that much.
Now have you got your cap in, you don't want to do any multiplying today.

It's just really, really rough -- a proper first draft. The second one is a better idea but still needs work.

I reckon you need one idea or the other (either the porn advert or the Jeremy Kyle but not both) and develop that. Personally, I like the mock-advert to reveal she's shooting a porn flick.

If there's a second reveal where she's shagging someone else who's had money worries recently (Paul McCartney?), it might work too.

Maybe

Dan

Alistair Darling?

I'd like to get her money worries, and her God awful amoral adverts swueezed into the same skit.

Sorry, I forgot the <irony> tags again...

Dan

Actually, a good ending would be Carol (being doggy-styled obviously) turning and saying "Isn't that right, Macca?" and him thrusting away saying "The bitch took me good and proper for 26 million. Gotta make ends meet somehow!"

(or however much it was)

Probably not the easy to stage sketch sooty wants for NR!

Dan

Paul McCartney, Carol Vorderman, doggy style sex, an ironic punchline.

This sin't jsut any skit, this is a NR skit.

There's not enough porn in NR and you know it. Go on -- break the mould!

Dan

Quote: Griff @ July 28 2008, 12:23 PM BST

Maybe Carol gets her leg amputated in a desperate bid for some of Paul's millions. Christ that's so unpleasant I'm going to send it in myself.

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Well after those adverts, she hasn't got a leg to stand.

[quote name="sootyj" post="218565" date="July 28 2008, 11:18 AM BST"]What should I change?

The language. ie Do it in English?

I just saw a porno movie that really raised my eyebrows. That's old age for you.

Quote: Michael Monkhouse @ July 28 2008, 5:13 PM BST

I just saw a porno movie that really raised my eyebrows. That's old age for you.

View original

Vintage Bob Monkhouse!