BRAZILIAN JUNGLE A FETID HELL HOLE OF A DIAMOND MINE, WRETCHES IN RAGS CARRY BASKETS OF MUD UNDER THE EYES OF CRUEL OVER SEERS. ONE OF THEM WOULD APPEAR TO BE RONNY CORBETT. THE BASKETS ARE SIFTED THROUGH FOR BITS OF PAPER, WHICH ARE THEN TYPED UP BY WRETCHED SLAVES. THEY ADD TO A HUGE PILE OF MUDDY SHEETS
WRETCH 1
How did I end up in this hell hole, what are we even mining?
WRETCH 2
Shh you'll get us beaten again. This is the dreaded green hell, this is the terrible gag mine of SootyJ.
WRETCH 1
Who?
WRETCH 2
Quiet you fool. He is the worlds most evil, and least successful comedy writer. This is his secret Brazillian mine of rubbish jokes.
GUARD
Silence scum, Mr SootyJ he no like the talking. You want we beat you with the whip of giant leaches, dipped in chilli peppers?
WRETCH 2
No please not that.
GUARD
Right you are in mine 13, and work hard or I cut off a testicle.
WRETCH 2
No the fearful Gordon Brown poo joke mine. Today my friend you will learn true fear.
GUARD
Hey Corbett get over here.
RONNIE RUNS DOBERMANS ARE RELEASED AND BRING HIM DOWN.
THE GUARD SQUEEZES HIS MOUTH OPEN.
GUARD
You smuggling shit gags? Spit it out.
CORBETT
I've just painted the front room in a new shade of Brown, Gordon Brown. It's shit but once it's up it stays there for 2 years whether you like it or not.
SOOTYJ ARRIVES HE IS IN A WHITE SUIT, HAS A PANAMA HAT, AND TWIRLS AN EVIL MOUSTACHE.
SOOTYJ
Ah Corbett I had such high hopes when I bought you from the BBC online slave market.
CORBETT
Please spare me, I'll give you a 100 hilarious elongated, golfing shaggy dog stories.
SOOTYJ
Not this time Corbett. Esteban put him in the mass grave with the Chuckle Brothers, and Ken Dodd. But save his Pringle sweater, it'll make a fine trophy.
WRETCH1
What a wanker.
SOOTYJ EXAMINES THE PILE OF PAPERS
SOOTYJ
25,000 shit gags a good days work Esteban.
GUARD
Si Senoir.
SCENE2
AN OFFICE WITH SCRIPT EDITOR ON THE DOOR, HE IS READING FROM A COMPUTER SCREEN.
SCRIPT EDITOR
Gordon Wood Brown Stain, it stinks, you can't get rid of it, and it takes 42 days to apply.
Select all, delete all.
Why does he bother?
