British Comedy Guide

The things kids do! Page 2

You have no idea how ugly those kids were.

Quote: Lee Henman @ May 23 2009, 11:50 PM BST

I think I win in the weird kids stakes.

Gulp! Yes, that takes some beating.

Another story from Charlie (6). The kids had gone to bed and after a brief hiatus they settled down before we heard some muffled shouts so I headed upstairs and he was nowhere to be seen. We found him in a suitcase which he'd decided to climb in and zip up. When I asked why he'd done it he said, "I wanted to see what it was like." Fortunately he's not done it again. Rolling eyes

I may have mentioned this story before but had a scary moment with Hollie a couple of years ago. We had a falling out and she stormed off upstairs so I gave her a bit of time to calm down. A little while later I went up to see her and she had disappeared. I called and called and she didn't answer and as I couldn't find her I wondered whether she had gone out the front door.

By this time I'd been looking for well over half an hour and was beginning panic and even went to the point of phoning the police as she was only 4 or 5 at the time. I couldn't really search for her outside as I still didn't know if she was in the house or not and I had the other two kids to look after (my wife was shopping)

The police arrived and had been there about 5 minutes and at that moment she appears at the top of the stairs rubbing her eyes and said, "Why are these men here?"

What she'd done was to pull out the drawers of some lightweight Ikea chest of drawers, climbed in and then pulled the drawer back in again. The problem was she fell asleep and didn't hear my calls.

Little madam!

Quote: sootyj @ May 23 2009, 11:54 PM BST

That made me laugh out loud, although it is a tad disturbing. He hasn't been reading your stuff has he?

As a youth worker my ghost stories about murderous child abusers were the highlight of camping holidays. Even if it made some of the weedier kids piss their sleeping bags.

Can I just say that although James is quite a (ahem) "unique" child, these sort of things he does are always tongue-in-cheek. He was trying to stop himself laughing when he told me about the Sooty thing. He giggled when I chucked a teddy at him and said "Go to sleep you freak".

God I love him so much. <3 <3 <3

It would have been proper disturbing if he was hoping to see Sootyj in Space.

Oh and another one!

We'd all gone to a local park and I was walking and the kids were on bikes. Charlie races off up front and my calls for him stop were ignored so I was worried he wouldn't his way home. He was just 5 at the time. I raced along the path and then as I rounded a corner his bike was lying on its own on the path and I felt physically sick! Hannah started crying and I began to panic. I got my phone and was about to do 999 and he shouts out, "Fooled you!"

He was hiding behind a tree.

I never want that feeling again.

Quote: Tuumble @ May 24 2009, 12:16 AM BST

Oh and another one!

We'd all gone to a local park and I was walking and the kids were on bikes. Charlie races off up front and my calls for him stop were ignored so I was worried he wouldn't his way home. He was just 5 at the time. I raced along the path and then as I rounded a corner his bike was lying on its own on the path and I felt physically sick! Hannah started crying and I began to panic. I got my phone and was about to do 999 and he shouts out, "Fooled you!"

He was hiding behind a tree.

I never want that feeling again.

Laughing out loud Little git. Funny isn't it, how losing sight of a child means nothing until you actually have your own. Before I had my own kids I used to pity friends and family for obsessing about where their kids were. "You're wrapping them up in cotton wool" I'd say.

Now if James is out playing on the street I watch him out the window. Having kids of your own gives you a whole new perspective on the word "precious".

Quote: bigfella @ May 23 2009, 11:22 PM BST

It doesn't get any better when they get older. Mine got Gandalf and Bob Geldof mixed up the other day!

Two annoying old c**ts; easy mistake!

Quote: Badge @ May 24 2009, 12:16 AM BST

It would have been proper disturbing if he was hoping to see Sootyj in Space.

Total eclipse...

And hairy old c**ts at that.

What's the diference between Geldof and a tramp? Geldof claims he wants your change for Africa.

Just made that one up.

This was something my six year old niece said:

'Why aren't they called ear pods, you don't listen to them through your eyes.'

My son said 'look Mummy, I can fly' and flapped his arms a bit.
'Yes dear, lovely," I replied, then screamed as he leapt out of the treehouse.
One of many trips to casualty!

Quote: Loopey @ May 24 2009, 3:13 PM BST

My son said 'look Mummy, I can fly' and flapped his arms a bit.
'Yes dear, lovely," I replied, then screamed as he leapt out of the treehouse.
One of many trips to casualty!

He was 22 at the time. You really should stop him smoking that stuff.

Share this page