The things kids do!

Having dragged mine up now I found a three hour stint in the company of a friends toddler eye opening.
Why do they insist on spining round & round & round to make themselves dizzy?
I had a coke with a lemon in it. The toddler wanted the lemon.
"You won't Like it" I told Him.
"Yep! Gis it peas" They demanded.
He sucked on it, pulled this face of sheer horror & distatse but carried on eating & shuddering his way through it anyhoo. Obviously even at two years old you have a point to prove. What point that is, well thats anyones guess.
Then they get tired & rather than go to sleep they scream. For aaaaaaages!
They inform you they have shit/pissed themselves at unapropriate times. After having held their crutch for 30 minutes yet denying needing a loo.
Worst of all, after having looked after them for 3 hours (Felt like weeks) their mum/dad picks them up & asks if they have had a good time.
NO! they wail.
That little f**ker stood there with his bruised head (From falling into a table after the spinning episode) Pursed lips (From the lemon) & stinking of sewerage.(From that shit he never needed). The parent looks at you like you are the whole reason for all those NSPCC campaigns & adverts.

And some of them never change.

On Monday I was due to work in London and so went to the rail station to purchase a ticket on the company credit card. I open my wallet to find it wasn't there and as nothing else appeared to be missing I felt justified in accusing my kids.

It later transpired, that my son had liked the look of daddy's silver card and hid it under his pillow in the same way as he had with my wife's purse a couple weeks earlier. This of course meant I had to purchase my train ticket on my own card which I can fortunately reclaim later.

But get this...

My wife said she had put the card in a safe place but since being at the train station, I hadn't thought about it because I didn't need to use it. Then, last night I was in the local store to buy a promised packet of sweets for them all.

I said to them that I didn't have much on me so they had to be a bit restrained on their choices. Nearby was one of those cash machines that charge £1.85 for the privilege of withdrawing your own money. At that very moment out of my five year old's pocket comes my company credit card and he was about to feed it in the machine. "I can get you cash daddy"

The little tyke had pinched it AGAIN!

Quote: Tuumble @ July 24 2008, 10:35 PM BST

On Monday I was due to work in London and so went to the rail station to purchase a ticket on the company credit card. I open my wallet to find it wasn't there and as nothing else appeared to be missing I felt justified in accusing my kids.

It later transpired, that my son had liked the look of daddy's silver card and hid it under his pillow in the same way as he had with my wife's purse a couple weeks earlier. This of course meant I had to purchase my train ticket on my own card which I can fortunately reclaim later.

But get this...

My wife said she had put the card in a safe place but since being at the train station, I hadn't thought about it because I didn't need to use it. Then, last night I was in the local store to buy a promised packet of sweets for them all.

I said to them that I didn't have much on me so they had to be a bit restrained on their choices. Nearby was one of those cash machines that charge £1.85 for the privilege of withdrawing your own money. At that very moment out of my five year old's pocket comes my company credit card and he was about to feed it in the machine. "I can get you cash daddy"

The little tyke had pinched it AGAIN!

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Aaah - aren't kids lovely!

Tuumble, how does the kid still have fingers?!

My seven year old daughter has been working through a maths book and was asked to show how the answer was worked out. She took it too literally by drawing that she counted on her fingers.

Great picture

Awwwwwww!

Quote: Tuumble @ May 23 2009, 10:57 PM BST

My seven year old daughter has been working through a maths book and was asked to show how the answer was worked out. She took it too literally by drawing that she counted on her fingers.

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Thats good!

It doesn't get any better when they get older. Mine got Gandalf and Bob Geldof mixed up the other day!

My daughter phoned the police and told them that Jack was stuck in the motor home. What she didn't tell them was Jack was a hamster and it was Barbie's motor home.

Yesterday my 7 year old son asked me what was his "testigans sack" is for. I said it's a mattress for his willy.

Quote: Lee Henman @ May 23 2009, 11:35 PM BST

Yesterday my 7 year old son asked me what was his "testigans sack" is for. I said it's a mattress for his willy.

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Don't tell him what he will eventually will be doing on that matress!

Just went upstairs to check on James (7 year old). There was a note at the top of the stairs he'd written. It read "I'm very sorry for killing myself." Any other parent would probably have ran screaming into their child's bedroom but I just sort of rolled my eyes, sighed, and went in to see James laid on the bed with his Mum's nighty loosely-wrapped around his neck, pretending to be dead.
I asked him what the note was for and he produced a theatre leaflet with "Sooty In Space" on it. He explained the reason for his suicide note was the fact that he'd checked the performance dates and concluded we were too late to catch the last performance. I laughed and asked him what the pencil in his hand was for. He said it was to poke his eyes out. I said "Go on then". He said "I'm not really that bothered about Sooty actually". He then asked if he could come downstairs for a biscuit.

I think I win in the weird kids stakes.

That made me laugh out loud, although it is a tad disturbing. He hasn't been reading your stuff has he?

As a youth worker my ghost stories about murderous child abusers were the highlight of camping holidays. Even if it made some of the weedier kids piss their sleeping bags.

Quote: sootyj @ May 23 2009, 11:54 PM BST

That made me laugh out loud, although it is a tad disturbing. He hasn't been reading your stuff has he?

As a youth worker my ghost stories about murderous child abusers were the highlight of camping holidays. Even if it made some of the weedier kids piss their sleeping bags.

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Being a 'youth worker' was it definatly piss that made their sleeping bags wet?