British Comedy Guide

Hunting

EXT. A FIELD - DAY

Two men are lay down, Man1 with binoculars looking through them, man2 with a gun looking through the scope.

MAN1
(Pointing)
There's one!

We switch to a first person of man2 looking through the scope of the gun, aiming at a rabbit. Man2 fires the gun.

MAN1
Yes! You got it

A little girl walks towards the rabbit corpse.

GIRL
Fluffy! Fluffy! Fluf..oh here you are

She bends down and picks up the rabbit, notices that it is dead and begins to scream.

GIRL
Mum! Mum! Mum!

Man1 looks at man2, who is looking down the scope of the gun at the girl who is still screaming for her mum.

MAN1
We shot a little girls pet! What do we do?

Man2 fires the gun. The screaming stops. Man1 looks at man2 in utter shock. Man2 looks at man1 with a grin at first, then when he notices man1's expression he looks a little confused.

MAN2
What?.....She was gonna tell on us

I like it even though the end was a little obvious. I think you need a better final line to get round it.

Not bad at all, enjoyable.

Cheers for the replies.

Hows about this for the last line instead of the current one?

MAN2
Sorry mate, did you say something?

MAN2
She knew too much.

Heh Heh. Or...

MAN 2
Bullseye! Shame I accindentally hit the rabbit with my first shot.

Perhaps:

Man1 - 'Bastard! I wanted to do the girl'

I like it. And if it's an X Factor-style comedy punchline comp, I vote for Bohannon's ending.

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