Bit long

JAMES BOND WALKS INTO A MEETING WITH M FOLLOWED BY SEBASTIAN FAULKES

JAMES

So M what's this new assignemnt? Blofeld, Smersh, the dreaded Russian Total Bastardski?

SEBASTIAN

Asked Bond, in a querollous manner.

M

No James we want you to spy on Mr Jones at 23 the Cresent?

JAMES

Is he a rogue nuclear scientist?

M

No worse, he's putting food waste in his recycling bin.

JAMES

Oh.

SEBASTIAN

Sighed James sounding old.

JAMES

And why have I got Sebastian Faulkes writing about me? A miserablist writer of World War 1 drivel, was J K Rowling busy? This is worse then you made me James Bond 007-11.

M

He was cheap. Gordon Browns made up all these ace powers giving him the write to spy on people, and now he's using them to fight our greatest foe.

JAMES

People recycling improperly?

SEBASTIAN

Said Bond like a poof.

JAMES

Watch it.

M

No half a trillion pound in national debt, we're using them to fine every one wee can get out hands on.

JAMES

That's a bit shabby.

SEBASTIAN

Said....

BOND SHOOTS HIM.

BOND

I shot him, he's dead chapter and hearse.

M

Good thing we've got a spare.

ENTER JORDAN

JORDAN

Bond looked well fit in his Topman suit. He had a big weapon, and an enormous cock.

Noooooooooooooooo! This was so funny! Brilliant in fact, until - "And why have I got Sebastian Faulkes writing about me?"

Carry on for much longer with SF doing the narration and then have bond shoot him as the punchline and say something like 'What?' when everyone stares at him. No-one should acknowledge that SF is there until the end.

hmmmm...just read the rest of it. Liked the Jordan bit. Maybe I was too hasty and like surreal humour too much.

another one of my bond sketches.

Can we dig up Superman's a dick one's next.

Rather belated comment, but I wouldn't muddy the waters with the recycling stuff because the Sebastian Faulks idea is brilliant.
Make it all about that - Jordan's funny at the end as well.
I can see Armstrong & Miller doing it.
Or is that an insult?
You never know on these forums.

Good one, an intersting mix of your fantasy and topical styles. Is this intend for NR?

It was yonks ago I just bumped some of my old Bond stuff to keep up with the fashion for it on the forums.