A sketch show I wrote a while back - called Evil Jesus in the Eighties. Never been accepted anywhere, was wondering if it was worth keeping any of the sketches. Obviously has turned out to be quite a large post. Apologies, hopefully somebody's very very bored.
I think there are some really nice ideas in this. I'm not sure it all hangs together as one show but there are definitely sketches with potential. I think 7 and 14 are the funniest and if I had a criticism it would be there is a bit too much exposition at the start of some of the sketches - I reckon you could trim that down quite a bit. But overall I really liekd it. Nice one.
Bo.
Some good ones in there - laugh to bed, gay bomb, and wanking were highlights for me and excellent. The language in the building site sketch seemed oddly stilted and had exposition in the opening line and elsewhere. The last sketch had a bit of exposition too. But I thought (with an edit to remove exposition etc) these were a good bunch, too good to ditch.
EDIT: Just seen Bo's comments about exposition too.
Yeah - the over-the-top exposition in the Evil Jesus bits was the reason for the 'humour' - massive set up to a tiny sketch, but I'm not sure that really comes across.
Take your point on the longer sketches also, will try to trim them a bit.
Thanks also - good to know there are some worth keeping.
The opening section is fine imo in that it sets up the premise in a BlackAdder1 style V. If it's good enough for BA1 then it's fair game for us too.
I was referring (and I think Bo was) to the sections where sketches open with "Hi Jerry. We were introduced earlier, I'm the new Foreman on the site" or "Well, you know that we are currently excavating a Roman Villa?" The characters in the pieces know this, it's only being said for the viewers' benefit but it does leap out as exposition. If the info can't be surmised from the context (setting, character relationships, body language etc) it has to be passed over in a more covert manner.
If that makes sense?
There's some excellent stuff in there and some of the ideas (laugh to bed) were brilliant.
Quote: SlagA @ July 21 2008, 10:24 PM BSTThe opening section is fine imo in that it sets up the premise in a BlackAdder1 style V. If it's good enough for BA1 then it's fair game for us too.
I was referring (and I think Bo was) to the sections where sketches open with "Hi Jerry. We were introduced earlier, I'm the new Foreman on the site" or "Well, you know that we are currently excavating a Roman Villa?" The characters in the pieces know this, it's only being said for the viewers' benefit but it does leap out as exposition. If the info can't be surmised from the context (setting, character relationships, body language etc) it has to be passed over in a more covert manner.
If that makes sense?
There's some excellent stuff in there and some of the ideas (laugh to bed) were brilliant.
Yes, what he said.
Thanks, that's great advice - will action!
I laughed like a big fool at most of this, with the exception of sketch 12 which was possibly a bit too telegraphed.
I also think the title "Evil Jesus In The Eighties" might be a little, ooh, hardcore, perhaps for TV.
The testicle sketch was stupidly great.
Didn't have time to read them all, sorry. The wanking one was funny. And I laughed at the differently abled one, although I know I shouldn't have. Did wonder if a 'gay bomb' wouldn't blow off the enemy soldiers though?
That intro is deardful, but the skits are pretty good.
Some are stronger than others, the old men on the bench meh...
And able, dsiabled is a lot funnier if you swop the roles and makes it an overbearing HR type telling him whats wrong with him.
7,12,14 are really good, 14 in particular (I'd love it if the builder finsihed on meep f**king meep)
But the wanking one would end more neatly if the other guy called him a wanker, and he took offence.
Also I'd love it if gay bomb, ended on "but I love that bomb"
Thanks sooty, steve and Graham, much appreciated.
Number 7 is nothing short of genius.
Quote: David Bussell @ July 23 2008, 8:55 AM BSTNumber 7 is nothing short of genius.
Oh, don't tell him he's a genius.
Quote: Graham Bandage @ July 23 2008, 8:57 AM BSTOh, don't tell him he's a genius.
Oh wait, Simon wrote it? Comment rescinded.
Yeah, some cracking good stuff in there. 2 & 7 are fantastic. 3/5 is pretty good but I like Sootyj's suggestion. I thought a couple were a bit duff however - 6 is pretty weak unless it carries on somewhere. 11 is a good idea but I think it needs tweaking somehow to make it more obviously cartoon based.
And 12 just completely reminds me of that old Boddingtons advert.
What happened to sketch 9?