Quote: sootyj @ July 20 2008, 11:13 AM BSTMAN ON PHONE, WHISPERING AND PANICKED.
VO
Police please state the nature of the crime?
MAN
Thank God I'm being burgled, I'm
VO
Press 1 if you are being murdered, 2 if you are being raped, 3 if you are being burgled, 4, if you....
BEEP
You've pressed 3 you are being burgled. Is that right press 1 for yes.
VO
You've pressed 1.
MAN
Thank God, send some one now.
VO
How many burglars? Press 1 for 1 burglar, 2 for 2...
BEEP
You've pressed 1.
Is he a big burglar? Press 1, is he a little burglar? Press 2
BEEP
You've pressed 2.
Have you got a blunt object to hand? Press 1 for yes, press 2 for no, Press 3 if you've got a licensed shotgun.
MAN
Look this is your job, I'm an accountant.
VO
You have not pressed a button, Press 1 if you are a homosexual, press 2 if you are a Liberal Democrat, press 3 if you've still got testicles..
VO
You've pressed 3. Approach your burglar, and strike him at the base of the skull. Then roll him over and stamp down hard on the centre of his rib csge.
This should take 5 minutes, here's some mood music.
GRAMS
The Girl from Ipanema
FX
The sound of a thud, a beg for mercy, a sickening crunch,
MAN
Oh God what have I done, I killed him. I'm a killer, you made me into a monster.
VO
Don't worry about the mess, you will a bottle of Stain Devil blood and bile by second class post. Please deposit your burglar outside the door in the orange human remains sack.
MAN
Oh God what have I become..
STARTS TO CRY
VO
Placing your burglar in the green food waste bin, may lead to a fine of upto £500. Thanks for calling 999, these calls are sometimes monitored for quality purposes
