Not posted anything for critique in ages so thoght i'd check with the populus!
Pilot of Private Investigations.
INT. SARAH'S OFFICE - MORNING
SARAH HAYES (36) IS SAT AT HER OFFICE DESK. OPPOSITE HER IS
MR LEWIS (40'S, SUIT, SHORT, FAT).
SARAH
Trust me, we're perfectly suited for
this sort of role.
MR LEWIS
You've got to realise, Nigel
Whitehouse is my biggest client.
Failure would be, well even the idea
of failure is just abhorrent.
SARAH
The words not even in my vocabulary.
MR LEWIS
Abhorrent. Disgusting, unacceptable,
er,...
SARAH
...no it's OK, I know what it means.
MR LEWIS
What word don't you...
SARAH
...forget it. I was, you know. Just
exaggerating.
MR LEWIS
Well that's over doing something,
often for effect.
SARAH
(frustrated)
Excellent, thought it might be. So,
getting back on track...
MR LEWIS
...Right. Now, this partner of yours,
he'll know what he's doing?
SARAH
He's got military and private security
experience. A book signing will be a
walk in the park for him.
MR LEWIS
You say that, I was attacked in a park
last year.
SARAH
Very different park to the one I'm
thinking of.
MR LEWIS
But you see my point? Never
underestimate the possibility of
something going wrong.
SARAH
We won't.
MR LEWIS
And don't bother telling people to
clear up after their dogs. (BEAT) My
dry cleaner said the smell burnt her
nostrils.
SARAH
Mr Lewis...
MR LEWIS IS CHECKING THE SLEEVES OF HIS JACKET.
MR LEWIS
Came up OK though.
SARAH
Mr Lewis, really, don't worry.
MR LEWIS
I just want this to go right.
SARAH
We'll treat him like Royalty.
MR LEWIS
Good. Oh, even better, treat him...
HE TAKES A BOOK FROM HIS BRIEF CASE.
MR LEWIS (CONT'D)
...like Noah. That's his book.
HE PASSES THE BOOK TO SARAH WHO READS THE COVER.
SARAH
The Nine Commandments.
MR LEWIS
A guide to self fulfilment and
success. At work, at home, at life.
SARAH
I'm sure it'll be very interesting.
HE QUICKLY TAKES IT BACK AND PUTS THE BOOK AWAY.
MR LEWIS
All good book shops. The theme today
is based on the Ten Commandments.
SARAH
OK, as in, Moses?
MR LEWIS
As in, Noah.
SARAH
The Commandments story was quite,
Moses based I think.
MR LEWIS
Animals in twos?
SARAH
That's Noah.
MR LEWIS
Right, and thalt shall do this and
that.
SARAH
Moses.
MR LEWIS
Different bloke?
SARAH
As far as I recall.
MR LEWIS
(worried)
And this is something most people will
know or just religious types?
SARAH
Probably, mostly all people.
TAKING A LEAFLET FROM HIS CASE HE TOSSES IT TO SARAH.
MR LEWIS
Great. I've got a petting zoo
traveling down from Cirencester.
SARAH IS LOST FOR WORDS BUT READS OFF THE LEAFLET.
SARAH
Lamas. Nice.
MR LEWIS
They don't travel with those. I've
gone for pairs of smaller (BEAT)
things. May I borrow your phone?
SARAH PUSHES HER DESK PHONE OVER TO HIM.
CUT TO:
INT. RECEPTION - MOMENTS LATER
THE RECEPTION AREA HAS A MAIN DESK, A SMALL WORK AREA, A
WAITING AREA AND TWO DOORS TO TWO SEPARATE OFFICES.
SUSAN (20) IS BEHIND THE MAIN DESK. CURTIS (34, TALL & WELL
BUILT, DRESSED IN BLACK) ENTERS.
CURTIS
(abrupt)
Morning Susan. Any messages?
SUSAN
(fawning)
Mr Hayes. Good workout last night?
CURTIS
Fine. Surprised to see you there.
SUSAN
I've just joined. I wasn't sure if you
noticed me.
CURTIS
I think it was the noise I noticed
first. Fair amount of screaming.
SUSAN
I like to give it my all.
CURTIS
I meant screaming at the staff.
SUSAN
Weren't they horrible? I hadn't been
on the hip machine that long anyway.
CURTIS
Quite a while.
SUSAN
No one minded.
CURTIS
I think a que had built up.
SUSAN
I thought they were all watching me?
CURTIS
(getting uncomfortable)
So, messages?
SUSAN
I was watching you.
CURTIS
Not necessary. Are they on those post
its?
SUSAN
Maybe we could go together sometime.
CURTIS
I tend to just stick to circuit
training. Looks like two messages?
SUSAN
I bet you learnt some stuff in the
army that would sort me out.
SUSAN LOOKS OVER A GROUP OF POST-IT NOTES ON HER DESK.
CURTIS
(muttering)
They keep the guns when you leave.
SUSAN PICKS UP TWO POST IT NOTES.
SUSAN
Sorry?
CURTIS
(ignoring her)
Two of them?
SUSAN
Oh, um, your sister wants to see you
when you get in. And someone's late.
Pay. Their late. Oh, this is from me,
my pay was late again.
CURTIS
I'll speak with Sarah about it.
SUSAN
There's ways you could make it up to
me.
AN OFFICE DOOR OPENS. SARAH AND MR LEWIS ENTER RECEPTION.
CURTIS
Interesting thought Susan. If you
could just um, empty your mind, that
would be great.
SARAH
Curtis, this is Mr Lewis. He has a
close protection role for us this
afternoon.
CURTIS
(offering a hand shake)
Mr Lewis.
MR LEWIS
Any allergies Mr Hayes?
CURTIS
To what?
MR LEWIS
Rabbits, guinea pigs, chihuahuas.
SARAH
Chinchilas.
MR LEWIS
What?
SARAH IS STILL READING THE PETTING ZOO LEAFLET.
SARAH
Small grey rodent native to South
America. Can grow up to...
MR LEWIS STARES AT HER. SHE QUICKLY PUTS IT DOWN.
SARAH (CONT'D)
...but they might listen to their
messages and turn back.
CURTIS
What is this job?
SARAH
Mr Lewis's client has a book signing.
Some of his fans can get a little
enthusiastic.
CURTIS
Will I need a tetanus?
MR LEWIS
No. A little product in your hair but
I have to say, aside from that, you do
look the part.
CURTIS
Sorry?
MR LEWIS
A lot of this is about image. Your's
is very good. I'm impressed.
CURTIS
Product?
MR LEWIS
W H Smiths at half past two. Please
don't be late.
MR LEWIS WALK TOWARDS THE DOOR.
MR LEWIS (CONT'D)
Oh, if I said Moses built the Ark what
would you say?
CURTIS
No he didn't.
MR LEWIS
(annoyed and to Susan)
Young lady, same question.
CURTIS
Good luck.
SUSAN
Oh, um, I'd say Steve Carell built it.
SARAH
(embarrassed)
Ah, you've picked our resident joker
there.
MR LEWIS
He's an actor, in a film.
SUSAN
(defensive)
I know it wasn't actually him...
SARAH
...She has us in stitches.
SUSAN
The credits are so boring. I want to
go when the film ends, not stay and
see who the carpenters where.
SARAH
They keep on coming. It's like a show.
CUT TO:
INT. RECEPTION - LATER
ANDY WILLIS (25, CASUAL DRESS) ENTERS, LOOKS AROUND AND
APPROACHES SUSAN.
ANDY
Hi, I'm after 5 George Street.
SUSAN
I'm rubbish at directions.
ANDY
Is this not it?
SUSAN
What?
ANDY
Number 5.
SUSAN
We're number 5.
ANDY
I'm here then.
SUSAN
Hi.
ANDY
Don't need those directions anymore.
SUSAN
Oh, don't ask for directions. I'm
rubbish.
ANDY
Er, no. Is there someone I can talk to
about the job.
SUSAN LOOKS BLANK. ANDY PULLS A NEWSPAPER OUT OF HIS POCKET
AND PUTS IT ON HER DESK, POINTING TO ONE OF THE ADVERTS.
ANDY (CONT'D)
It just says call in to our office.
SUSAN LOOKS AT THE PAPER PROPERLY.
SUSAN
This sounds good.
ANDY
Yeah, I thought...
SHE POINTS TO ANOTHER ADVERT.
SUSAN
...They want Word, that's fine. Excel,
is that the one with all the lines?
ANDY
How about the job here?
SUSAN
So boring. I just sit at this desk.
ANDY
How about the one I'm after?
SUSAN
(ignoring him)
Hey, this ones £500 a day, work your
own hours from home, no experience
necessary. That's a con, right?
ANDY
Probably. But what...
SUSAN
...I bet they make you work till
midnight or something.
ANDY
It says work your own hours.
SUSAN
Good point. Worth a call then.
SUSAN GRABS A MARKER AND CIRCLES HER ADVERT.
CUT TO: