Body Bags

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

AT THE SCENE OF A CAR CRASH A PAIR OF PARAMEDICS LOAD BODIES INTO BAGS. PARAMEDIC #1 ZIPS HIS BODY BAG UP TO THE VICTIM'S NECK SO ONLY HIS FACE IS EXPOSED.

PARAMEDIC #1:
(TALKING OUT THE SIDE OF HIS MOUTH) Ooh, look at me, I'm a hungry, hungry caterpillar!

PARAMEDIC #2 LAUGHS AND ZIPS HIS VICTIM UP LIKEWISE.

PARAMEDIC #2:
I'm Tutankhamun and I'm on loan from the British Museum!

PARAMEDIC #1:
(LAUGHING) I'm a cute little Russian nesting doll.

THE BODY SITS BOLT UPRIGHT AND HOLLERS.

BODY:
Boo!

THE PARAMEDICS ALL BUT JUMP OUT OF THEIR SKINS. THE ‘BODY' UNZIPS HIMSELF TO REVEAL HE'S ALSO WEARING A PARAMEDIC'S OUTFIT.

PARAMEDIC #2:
Gary, you arsehole!

PARAMEDIC #1:
Have some respect for the dead, for f**k's sake.

Very good. Not sure that the last line really does the rest of the skit justice though. Cant really think of a decent alternative however......errr....

What about the paramedic jumping out of his skin holding his heart and saying "Ooh this job will be the death of me"

No....I'll get my coat.

Nice one David. Filmable?

Well, maybe not on a Bussell budget. Yet anyway.

Ah yes... uniforms...body bags. Gets expensive.

I liked this. If you do film it make sure the victims aren't sympathetic, but gangsters or something.

Quote: EllieJP @ July 15 2008, 3:22 PM BST

Ah yes... uniforms...body bags. Gets expensive.

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You can borrow body bags. We borrowed one once for a theatre production. It was dark brown with little golden flowers. Lovely.

Genius, and very nasty.

And you can buy those paper jump suits for a couple of quid a piece, stick a red masking tape cross on it.

C'mon its gotta be filmed.

Like it - the last line makes in IMO!

Not sure about the nesting doll - does that look like a head poking out of a body bag?

Quote: Simon Stratton @ July 15 2008, 6:35 PM BST

Not sure about the nesting doll - does that look like a head poking out of a body bag?

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Not obviously. What about a swaddled baby Jesus?

Thanks everyone. I'd love to film it of course, there's just so much in the pipeline already.

Cheers for the suggestions, especially yours, Dolly, which I have every intention of filching.

How about - "Look! This one's giving birth to a man's head!"

Simple genius like all the best sketches. It reminds me of when Wiggum started messing about with Jebediah Springfield's head. There's tonnes more you could do with this yet it's just fine as is.

Genius, pure foaming genius. I think this is the best sketch I've ever read on here.

Why are you still on here? You should be falling down the stairs in the Groucho club in a Gucci shellsuit with this level of talent.

Thanks again, guys. I really had no idea this would be so popular.