Bacon and Herring III

You know the drill! Hope you like it.

EXT. INNER CITY STREET CORNER. NIGHT. A DRUG DEALER TYPE IS HANGING AROUND LOOKING SUS. HIPPY APPROACHES LOOKING A LITTLE NERVOUS.

HIPPY (To Drug Dealer)

What have you got then?

DEALER

Skunk, grass, soap, charris, squidgy black.

HIPPY
I want something with a bit more punch. Got anything harder?

DEALER
Yeah.

SKINHEAD RUNS INTO SHOT AND HEADBUTTS HIPPY KNOCKING HIM TO THE GROUND AND PUTS THE BOOT IN.

SKIN (O.O.V)
You want some do ya?

F/X FIGHTING AND GRUNTING

FIGHTING STOPS. SKIN WALKS INTO SHOT AND WALKS OUT.

SKIN (O.O.V)
Wanker.

DEALER
Twenty five quid please mate.

ARM AND HAND APPEAR FROM BOTTOM OF FRAME OFFERING MONEY.

Disappointed there wasn't a large glass bowl and a ladle and the drug dealer didn't dish out liquid in a plastic cup!

But it's good, yeah!

Dan

HEHEHEHE... Never thought of that. Damn, I'll write it down for next time.

Cheers

Nice one my fishy Messiah - a good follow-up to the last two. Personally, you might want to just finish it after the skin-head comes in as this is the big laugh. I am aware you want the dealer to ask for his money but you could add in a line before it along the lines of "Harder? Sure mate - this will be 25 quid". just a thought. Great series of sketches though - keep it up - I enjoy them!

EDIT: Having second thoughts. Perhaps the dealer can say that he doesn;t have anything harder but he know's someone who does. Then the skinhead enters, gives the hippy a good do-ing then the skin head very politely asks for 25 quid - and you see the hands appear up with the money?

Don't let an amateur like me influence you though - just some takes on your sketch which I happen to really like so look forward to the next installment.

in my view these sketches are getting better everytime, keep it up

I hate to piss on anyone's bonfire but I can't hold it in. I found the sketch predictable because I have read the previous two and immediately knew what was going to happen. If you are going to make this a running gag then you may want to disguise the punchline or setup a bit as running gags with no catchphrase quickly turn from killer to filler as the audience get it before the punchline and theres no pay off.

But the sketch is good, if it was the first I would fine it funny so theres nothing wrong with the sketch, its only because of the previous two that I knew where it was going.

You should put twists on gags like, and this is shit but i can't think of anything else, the following

Hippy
Got any Es

Dealer
No, i have some Cs and Rs

Hippy
Got any other letters

Dealer
I've got an Iceburg

Hippy
Cheers i'll take it.

I agree with ajp. On its own, nothing wrong with it. But the third instalment needs a surprise.

Thanks for the feedback guys

As others have said on its own very good. As part of an ongoing thing then predictable. However....

Look at what's popular at present sketch show wise. Little Britain, Katherine Tate. Both relying on what is essentially endless repetition of the same joke.

Certainly no surprises when Lauren asks "Am I bovvered?" or the WI lady pukes up over some unlikely stereotype.

So begs the question. Is WJFK's creation not spot on the money for these modern times? I can't see the difference myself so I would argue that this is "perfick" for what the broadcasters want

In the words of louise Walsh "I liked it", is it predictable a little, was it funny "very" Imagine it shot like with loads of head space just guy leaning on the wall very good should film one