British Comedy Guide

Copy Cat2

BLOKE 1 AND BLOKE 2 ARE IN A HAT SHOP, BLOKE 1 IS MAKING A SANDWICH.

BLOKE1

Yummy a frazzles, and jam sandwich.

BLOKE2

You know the only thing thats distinctive about you is your enjoyment of unusual childlike snacks.

BLOKE1

C**ting bollocks.

BLOKE2

And your continual swearing. I really fancy Girly1, even though she has no definable character.

BLOKE1

Hmm I'm going to have a Battenberg cake sandwich, you f**king c**t.

BLOKE2

That's all you do, go on try and say something else.

BLOKE1

Rubbish, I can say what ever I like. I think fiscal policy is....

HE COLLAPSES TO THE FLOOR HIS EYES BLOODSHOT, AND HIS FACE BRIGHT RED AS HE STRAINS TERRIBLY.

BLOKE1

I'll have an Um Bungo, and Alphabetti spaghetti sandwich. Shitty, tit, wank. Oh my God it's true. It's like we're stuck in a horrible parralel universe where nothing ever happens, and it's not very funny.

HE SCREAMS AND GOES BERZERK RUNNING AROUND THE SHOP KNOCKING OVER HAT BOXES THEY'RE ALL EMPTY.

HE OPENS A DOOR TO THE OUTSIDE, THERE'S NOTHING ONLY WHITENESS.

Who would trap us in this joyless void? Hold me I'm scared.

HE FALLS TO THE GROUND SOBBING, BLOKE2 COMFORTS HIM

BLOKE2

I don't know, who would create a world as awful as this?

BLOKE1

Oh Bloke 1, Coco Pops with Banana flavoured milk, anal lingus.

So who am I?

David Moreton?

Give the man a goldfish in a plastic bag.

Nothing like him. Reminds me more of Morrace.

Very nice little pun there.

Sorry I'm late - lorry jack knifed on the A406. Where do you want these?

The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you. The jokes on you.

Ha jokes on all of you, it was a satire of Saphire and Steal!

I'm far to much of a hack writer to imitate the Great Dave Morton.

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