This week, Matthew, I will be....
2 KIDS ARE TRADING IN THE PLYAGROUND
KID 1
Got got need got need got...
WE SEE THE TWO KIDS ARE TRAADING KNIVES AND OTHER ASORTED WEAPONS.
KID 2
This knife crime is out of control
KID1
and Home Secretary Mr John Reid has finally admitted that we don't know enough about knife crime.
That's me innit, good skit, and I thought I was so dmaned authentic.
Are my punchlines really that thudding;y obvious?
Personally i'd have Gordon Brown stab them from behind, and David Cameron come on pulling his trousers down.
Kid1
Gordon Brown stabbed us in the back
Kid2
But Cameron's going to screw us over.
Isn't Jacqui Smith home secretary this week?
The final line is a bit clunky and doesn't really make sense. I like the idea of the sketch though.
EDIT: Oh, I see. Yes Sooty, no offence but sometimes your punchlines are that thuddingly obvious 
I always figured I'd have been a good stnadup in Stalinist Russia.
An Englishman an Irishman, and a Scotsman go into a bar.
To subvert the proleteriat with alcohol, they were shot.
My dogs got no nose.
You are wasting the peoples food on a crippled animal, you will suffer in the Gulag
My mother in laws so fat,
I handed her in for horidng food.
Sorry, I just couldn't leave that gauntlet lying there, Sootyj. Thanks for taking it in the spirit it was intended.
My problem is I write so dmaned much it's very easy to take a sample of my work and pigeon hole it.
I'm glad you didn't go with my paedophile, serial killer genre.
I do like a good thudding punchline.
I think my favourite joke from the Stalin era is: "What were Veyanovski's last words before he committed suicide?" A: "Comrades, don't shoot."
I made up the name, but the jokes authentic. Whether it's funny or not is a whole different matter, of course...
This should kick start a whole new sub-genre on BSG.
I like it.
Stalinist jokes, or imitative scripts?
Whats black and white, and red all over?
South Africa after the glorious victory of the Communist revoloution.
Knock knock
who's there?
The KGB
The KGB oh shit
Come with us.