DR
Mr Jones you've got malnutrition, MRSA, and your wallet pinched. What made you come to the hospital today?
JONES
I only came to do the plastering.
NHS quickie 2
Not sure that the wallet pinched fits. In fact I would just have the Doctor telling him he has an untreatable terminal infection.
Agree with Timbo, keep it to health references.
Well I do want to make it a change from the other 2, maybe a sex change, or Nile River virus,
but I see what you mean, thnaks
Phew, lucky he went to hospital! Who pinched his wallet and why is it medically relevant?
The joke is he went to work at the hospital a fit well man, and got all these illness's and his wallet stolen.
Hospitlals have a bad rep for thefts, it's a line thats to obscure so I'll get rid of it.
But if he has all these diseases why would the doctor ask why he came to hospital? He wouldn't know he caught them all there.
Not really, Drs often ask that to see if you've been ill for a while, or have other symptons.
And it leads well into the punchline.
But it's not my best work is it.
I think the gag is fine, you have just rushed the set up. Do it as a Doctor sympathetically breaking bad news and work in a bit of background for clarity.
Hmm you're right, it's a 2 liner last minute job for Treason, but even then it's rushed.
And it doesn't have a thuddingly unsubtle punchline, which is kinda my trademark
For a slightly different set-up, how about having the doctor say something like
DOCTOR: Your chart says you have malnutrition, MRSA and a leg amputated by mistake but it doesn't say why you were originally admitted?
JONES: I only came in mend the photocopier.
(I'd avoid plastering as some people go into hospital to have bits plastered anyway)
Damn that's way better than my one,
thanks