British Comedy Guide

Confessional Page 4

Quote: Sofa_Matt @ July 9 2008, 3:19 PM BST

mmmmm Is he having problems with the priest?

I've often thought about teaming up with Bussell, but I have never felt that his comic talents were good enough, but if he can kill swans,might have to reconsider;)

Laughing out loud Laughing out loud Laughing out loud

Let the Swan and Priest communities howl in despair lol

I pretended to have a dentist appointment this morning in order to stay home and buy tickets for a play.

But that's not a crime!

That's erm...

Just a mistruth. Don't worry I do em all the time I'm not a burnt out husk of a human being.

Phew!

I set fire to acres of field. Twas pretty!
Also, once my friend hotwired a big JCB pipe laying thing. He did it with a Coke can, dunno how, but it worked. So we drove it around and layed pipe and stuff. And the thing at the top was like a roundabout.
We got chased by men with dogs and torches.

Quote: ian_w @ July 9 2008, 6:26 PM BST

I set fire to acres of field. Twas pretty!
Also, once my friend hotwired a big JCB pipe laying thing. He did it with a Coke can, dunno how, but it worked. So we drove it around and layed pipe and stuff. And the thing at the top was like a roundabout.
We got chased by men with dogs and torches.

Thats a cool ass story!!!!

Cool

Quote: Rachel @ July 9 2008, 11:53 AM BST

I was part of a yobbish street gang that wrote 'SEX' on the path when I was about 8 in white chalk we'd probably got off the front of a Beano or something. I was so riddled with guilt that I went and washed it off after teatime, so I guess I did my community service already.

Laughing out loud

Quote: Simon Stratton @ July 9 2008, 11:52 AM BST

Yep. And I got away scott free.

I wonder who Scott is and why he's now associated with freedom.

http://ask.yahoo.com/20060712.html

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ July 9 2008, 11:58 AM BST

In my boredom I got through a whole 2lt bottle of cherry coke yesterday!

Amateur.

Quote: EllieJP @ July 9 2008, 12:06 PM BST

I also dared my sister to do terrible things when we were younger and she did them which almost cost her her life... drowning in swamps and breaking her legs jumping out of our upstairs window.

:O Laughing out loud

Quote: Gavin @ July 9 2008, 12:12 PM BST

We dared my brother to jump of this wall once and he landed on some guys shed roof and went straight through and caught him self on various gardening equipment.

We thought it was hilarious.

Laughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loud

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ July 9 2008, 12:14 PM BST

I was staying in this hotel and as I was comming out of my room to checkout, they were cleaning the rooms - and left the freebie trolley unattended.

I now have 7 showers gels, 5 shampoos, 4 soaps, 2 sewing kits, 4 packs of cookies and god knows how many tea bags!!!

Naughty. Angry

Quote: chipolata @ July 9 2008, 12:25 PM BST

There was a runty black kid at school and every now and then I used to put on an Afrikana accent,shout "South African Police!" and start hitting him with my pencil case.

Laughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loudLaughing out loud etc.

That's actually brilliant. Utterly, utterly brilliant.

Quote: EllieJP @ July 9 2008, 12:36 PM BST

Indeed.

It's fun taunting you though. ;)

Quote: David Bussell @ July 9 2008, 12:49 PM BST

I killed a swan and blamed it on a priest.

Behead him!

Quote: zooo @ July 9 2008, 6:19 PM BST

I pretended to have a dentist appointment this morning in order to stay home and buy tickets for a play.

But that's not a crime!

That's erm...

Dishonest?

Quote: ian_w @ July 9 2008, 6:26 PM BST

I set fire to acres of field. Twas pretty!
Also, once my friend hotwired a big JCB pipe laying thing. He did it with a Coke can, dunno how, but it worked. So we drove it around and layed pipe and stuff. And the thing at the top was like a roundabout.
We got chased by men with dogs and torches.

That's genius on so many levels.

Oi! How come I get naughty?

Ian BURNT A FIELD.

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ July 9 2008, 7:51 PM BST

Oi! How come I get naughty?

Ian BURNT A FIELD.

Coz Aaron is a tough taskmaster. Firm but fair.

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ July 9 2008, 7:51 PM BST

Oi! How come I get naughty?

Ian BURNT A FIELD.

You put lives at risk by stealing teabags, that field was probably going to get burnt anyway. By a careless squirrel or vole for e.g.

Quote: Simon Stratton @ July 9 2008, 8:05 PM BST

You put lives at risk by stealing teabags, that field was probably going to get burnt anyway. By a careless squirrel or vole for e.g.

Agreed. The Jury has spoken.

Hello - now this is my kinda thread. Here's one for starters.
Aged about 11, my friend and I decided to get revenge on an old bloke for being unreasonably grumpy just because we nicked a few of his strawberries. We decided to set fire to something in his shed and chose an old cushion. Unfortunately it began to belch out black smoke rather quickly so we shut the door in panic and legged it. Several hours later we returned from the opposite direction to see 2 fire engines pulling away. I never understood why my mum didn't twig that 2 kids weren't really interested in what was going on down the road.

Quote: RubyMae - Glamourous Snowdrop at large. @ July 9 2008, 7:51 PM BST

Oi! How come I get naughty?

Ian BURNT A FIELD.

I assumed he was taking the piss a bit with that one...

Quote: Croydesponger @ July 9 2008, 8:08 PM BST

Hello - now this is my kinda thread. Here's one for starters.
Aged about 11, my friend and I decided to get revenge on an old bloke for being unreasonably grumpy just because we nicked a few of his strawberries. We decided to set fire to something in his shed and chose an old cushion. Unfortunately it began to belch out black smoke rather quickly so we shut the door in panic and legged it. Several hours later we returned from the opposite direction to see 2 fire engines pulling away. I never understood why my mum didn't twig that 2 kids weren't really interested in what was going on down the road.

:O

When my porn was found by my mum, when I was younger, my dad asked me where I'd got it from. I'd nicked it obviously (or found it in the woods :) ) Anyway, I told him it was a friends and with that he was on the phone to his parents. Father Tidcombe wasn't happy ;) and I wasn't allowed near said friend again. Then my Dad took all my porn and gave it away at work. Teary

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