GORDON BROWN IS TALKING TO ALISTAIR DARLING.
ALISTAIR
Gordon I don’t understand how refusing to l help people crippled by the 10p tax rate is going to help, with food waste?
GORDON
That’s easy with Labour everyone gets to eat shit, saves on bread.
Very short
Sooty I see what you are doing with the waste line, no offence meant, but you need to make it witty. You have identified a pun but need to make it cleverer. For example why in the real world does everybody get to eat shit? They don't. So if it is a metaphor, make it relevant. Also I can't see anyone 'crippled' by the 10p tax business except Gordie himself. So I think it comes down to identifying your target and arranging these connections you have made to address that. I think that is true in a lot of your skits, and I prefer your sitcom stuff in this respect, maybe make a chart, make the connections that you make, but be clearer on what, or who, your target is.
Yes. What Marc P said.
I wonder if the P stands for professional?
Hmm useful advice. The 10p tax thing is very hard on people on limnited incomes, very hard. I think I try at times to work with a totally cut down skit, where the idea is to see if I can get the audience to make very quick connections.
e.g. unfair tax+avoiding food=eating shit.
The frustrating thing is when it works, it works but clearly here it doesn't.
Quote: sootyj @ July 7 2008, 9:04 PM BSTHmm useful advice. The 10p tax thing is very hard on people on limnited incomes, very hard. I think I try at times to work with a totally cut down skit, where the idea is to see if I can get the audience to make very quick connections.
e.g. unfair tax+avoiding food=eating shit.
The frustrating thing is when it works, it works but clearly here it doesn't.
Make it bloody work then lol, thats the fun after all.