THIS JOKE ISN’T FUNNY ANYMORE
Set in News Room
News Reader or Link Man: "It has just been revealed that disgusted fans of comic Jimmy London stormed out of a show last month after he allegedly molested a young woman on stage".
"The zany star, 36, picked the woman, aged around 20, from the audience and declared he wanted to be ‘inside’ her".
"He then allegedly made her lie down, groped her breasts and private parts and tried to pull up her skirt".
"The funnyman earlier admitted to the crowd that he had no jokes and had turned up just ‘to get laid’.
"However it seems the joke went too far as London continued to have full sex with the audience member, cracking racist jokes as he did so. The matter has been further complicated by the fact that the ‘victim’ Miss A now claims to be carrying London’s child".
"We have in our studio London’s agent Bill Wilson. Mr Wilson has your act not taken things too far on this occasion? "
Bill Wilson: "Jimmy has never been an orthodox performer. Anything can happen at one of his gigs, that is part of his appeal. I’m sorry but I think there is some overreacting going on here. If you want to watch a good clean family show maybe you should go to see Chubby Brown!!"
News Reader : "But it is believed, is it not that your client may have fathered around seven children in similar circumstances but due to a legal loophole protecting performers when they are in character, he is unlikely to face prosecution".
Stage Direction: [Bill Wilson is seen walking out of the studio, gives newsreader the ‘wanker’ sign as he does. Mouths the word ‘tosser’]
News Reader: "Well there you go. I think that says it all. I would like now to talk to the Chief Superintendant of the Metropolitan Police Paul McGregor. Mr McGregor the law clearly isn’t working is it"
Mr McGregor: "The problem with the law as it stands is that anyone can commit a crime as long as they claim they are doing so as part of a stage act or public performance. We have already had a man dressed as Othello raiding a sub post office in Camden Town. He got off on a technicality. When the assailant said to the shop assistant "Keep up your bright swords, for the dew will rust them", she unfortunately replied "Who steals my purse steals trash." It was deemed to be a work of art and the thug got away with over £10,000. There obviously needs to be a judicial review as soon as possible".
Stage Direction: [At this point a man from the audience carrying a large kitchen knife rushes towards the Newsreader and Chief Superintendant McGregor dressed as Luke Skywalker. The two make a hasty retreat off the stage].